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Last week, Jason and I were working up in the office when he turned to me and saidâI want to try something completely random for the month of February.â (These types of statements no longer surprise me.)
âUmmm⌠okay,â I said. âLike what?â
âI donât know. Just like a challenge or a project. Maybe we could do something together.â
These days weâre both so focused on growing our individual businesses, but sometimes we both miss the days of collaborating on IWearYourShirt together, so weâve been talking about doing some sort of project together for a while now.
What we came up with is this:Â a short, daily podcast exploring topics related to relationships and entrepreneurship.
Iâve had this fascination lately with the idea of couples who work together. Jason and I are friends with at least 10 couples that either work together or are self-employed and work from home together, and I think the effect it has on growing a relationship is really interesting, so I brought up the idea of making our mini-podcast center on this. (Plus, the idea of us spending 10 minutes every day focused on communicating about our relationship was an interesting experiment in itself.) It also seemed timed well with Valentine’s Day being in February and what not.
Within minutes we had a name, a Google spreadsheet with potential topics, a plan for recording and we were crafting posts for Facebook asking for questions from our friends.
Surprisingly, not once in this process did I stop to think âIs this a good idea?â âWill this make me money?â âWhat will people think?â And while you know Iâm a big believer in doing things intentionally, sometimes the intention can be to simply TRY something. As an experiment. For FUN. (What a novel concept, right?)
After our brainstorm, I went back to my work, but I couldnât help but marvel at how quickly we had gone from a vague idea to an action plan.Â
Together weâve been able to cultivate a knack for taking action and moving our ideas forward.
BUT, I was quickly reminded, this wasnât always the case.
I spent TWO YEARS wanting to start my own personal blog before I finally hit publish on my first post back in 2011. I always wanted to have a job in a creative field, but it took THREE YEARS before I started working on my lettering and my design skills and opened my design business.
We all have dreams and ideas and plans, but bringing them to life is the sticky part, isnât it?
I have friends that have spent years (YEARS!) working on releasing their first e-course. I have friends who want to start a blog, but have yet to write a post. Friends that dream of launching a business, but canât bring themselves to tell anyone. Websites waiting to be born. Books waiting to be written.
So, what is the one thing preventing all of these people (and probably some of you out there reading this) from taking action and moving forward with their ideas?
Fear, of course. Fear of failure. Fear of judgment. Fear of rejection. We’ve explored this many times.
But, what, then, is the secret to getting over the hump of fear? (Yes, I said âhump of fear.â)
Did I just wake up one day and suddenly not give a crap what anyone thought of me? (Dear lord, I wish. But definitely NO.) Did I suddenly not care about failing? Heck to the no.
Writing tons of posts. Sharing my artwork on Instagram. Launching products. Finding clients. Tackling self-imposed challenges. Learning new skills.
Now, I know it sounds silly to say the secret to starting is starting, but bear with me.
Think of it this way (and try to roll with my weird, but hopefully applicable, analogy.)
If you only post ONE photo of yourself on Facebook every year, youâre probably going to feel a ton of pressure to make that one photo super amazing. Youâll pick your best day, the best backdrop, the perfect filter, the right lighting⌠and youâll still be terrified when you post it. Why? Because in your mind you get that one shot to show people who you are.
But, now imagine if you took a photo of yourself and posted it every hour for the next year. (Note to my selfie-takers: this idea is for illustration purposes only.) Youâd probably care a lot less about each photo. The pressure to make it perfect would be much lower because you would know the next one is just around the corner.
Thatâs how I like to think of making things and sharing them. I carry less fear with each thing I create because I know I can always create more things.
âMaking begets making. And the more stuff you make, the less you feel like any ONE THING defines the whole of who you areâ
You know that people will come to see the more textured, nuanced version of you because theyâll be able to see you across your entire body of work.Â
That’s it. That’s my big secret to getting started – simply remind yourself that your identity does not hinge on any one single thing. Write more words and do more things and push yourself to take that next step to turn your ideas into reality. I promise you that once you get on a roll, it only becomes easier over time.
Now, if you’re feeling really spunky, take another step every day for the next week. Promise yourself to keep the momentum going. Buy the domain. Sign up for the class. Make the call. Take note of whether you feel it getting easier with each step that you take.
And then email me and let me know what idea you want to make happen. (One of the best ways to get started is to tell someone!)
That’s it, friends.
A few weeks ago around Christmas time, I found myself flipping channels and landing on the annual ABC News special âBarbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2014.â Now, who knows why I stayed on the channel because none of the interviews were particularly that fascinating to me personally until Barbara sat down with Oprah.
I admire Oprah for all sorts of reasons that I wonât bore you with here, but she said something really interesting in her interview that got me thinking a lot about how Iâve been inadvertently limiting my own potential.
In the segment, they cut to footage of an old interview between Barbara and Oprah. Barbara asks O something like âHow did you get here?â and the then-34-year-old Oprah says âSomewhere, Iâve always known that I was born for greatness.âÂ
Cut to the present and Oprah laughs, remembering the interview saying, âA LOT of people misunderstood that.âÂ
She goes on to say âI used to be afraid of being full of myself. I used to apologize. What I was saying is âI knew my life was going to go beyond that front porch of my motherâs house.â â
[Click here to watch the segment if you like (starts at 1:23)]
Immediately when I heard her say that, it was like a bell went off inside me.
Iâve been honest in the past with you guys about the fact that one of the biggest challenges Iâve faced in my business is confidence.
And until I heard Oprah say âI used to be afraid of being full of myself,â I never made the connection that it actually has nothing to do with me not believing in my abilities. It has everything to do with me fearing what people might think if actually express my belief in my abilities.
Whoa. That one tiny sound bite is the key to a major mindset shift for me.Â
As a young girl, I was taught to be humble. Agreeable. Cautious of appearing too full of myself. After all, no one wants to be friends with someone whoâs cocky. And, even though I wholeheartedly believe Iâm the furthest thing from cocky, itâs my big fat fear of being perceived anything close to that – ultimately, of being rejected in some way – that keeps me from asserting myself fully. Of asking for what I want. Of charging what Iâm worth. Of ever admitting out loud the future I see for myself.
The segment went on to show a few covers of O Magazine – of course, featuring Oprah herself on the cover, as always – and I thought to myself what a brave decision that must have been for her. Iâm sure there are people all over the world that find it showy or arrogant or presumptuous of her to assume people want to see her on the cover of every magazine. But guess what? Iâm gonna go out on a limb and say sheâs okay with that (especially as the millions roll in) because her people know where her heart is.
Now, let me be clear, Iâm not saying that bragging or being full of oneâs self is the key to success. Not in the least. All Iâm saying is that those who can let go of the fear of appearing TOO anything, are the ones that can actually fully express their own potential.Â
âItâs not just about believing in yourself. Itâs about having the courage to SHOW people that you believe in yourself.â
As I write this, Iâm reminded of a quote I once saw by Marianne Williamson.
“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wonât feel insecure around you. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
When we play small, nobody wins. We miss out on realizing our potential and the world misses out on all the great things we can create when weâre living out the fullest, brightest expression of our gifts.
Now, if youâll indulge me, hereâs your challenge this week:
Iâd like to give you full permission to email me right now with one thing that you know you are REALLY good at.
Go ahead, try it out and see how it feels to acknowledge your own strengths to someone else. Not in a bragadocious or cocky way, but just in an honest way. Let me know what you excel at because I want you to practice owning your gifts.
Meanwhile, I’m going to practice seeing myself on the cover of my own magazine and being totally cool with that.
In last week’s newsletter, you might remember I talked a lot about nerves.
Well, truthfully, last week was riddled with a ton of angst and stress and trying to fit about five days of work into two. I was terrified that one of the several balls I was trying to juggle would fall spectacularly among the chaos. (We’ve all had those weeks, yes?)
But I kept barreling through, kept checking things off my giant to-do list one by one until I found myself last Tuesday night, finally catching my breath before my Wednesday morning flight to New York.
As I shared last week, I was invited to teach a hand-lettering workshop at Camp Good Life Project (Camp GLP) – a weekend retreat for adults to connect with the inner camper of their childhood, and learn, grow, and play among soulful, like-minded individuals.
Spoiler alert: in a word, the event was INCREDIBLE.
I had a sneaking suspicion it would be, but in the days leading up to the event, all that kept flooding my mind was the uncertainty of it all.
How would it feel to walk into a room full of complete strangers?
Would we run out of things to talk about?Â
What if my workshop didn’t live up to people’s expectations?
What if someone asked a question I didn’t know how to answer?
What if I get picked last for dodgeball? (But… seriously?)
I found out this weekend that there’s a term for all of this unnecessary anxiety. It’s called future-tripping, and it pulls us away from the joy of the present to the nagging doubt of the future.
Still, being aware of your anxiety and being able to do something to quiet it are two different things.
And it wasn’t just the workshop I was nervous about; it was the entire experience I had to navigate alone.
Now, typically when I travel, it’s with my partner, Jason, by my side. He handles the logistics and, frankly, I just show up (and read gossip magazines on the airplane. It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it.)
But not this time.
I was going to have to fly out alone, pick up my rental car and navigate the two hours to camp all by my lonesome.
It may sound really silly, but even as a 26-year-old woman, well into what I suppose society would deem “adulthood,” it was still kind of scary traveling alone. There are so many instances when I felt fearful and uncertain and mostly just uncomfortable because I was doing things I had never done before by myself.
SO many moments when I felt uncomfortable, out of my element, and uncertain of what was to come.
BUT…
SO many opportunities to surprise myself with my own independence. To figure it all out one step at a time.
And wouldnât you know it⌠the world didnât end.
Traveling alone actually allowed me to tune into my environment in a way I’m not able to when traveling with Jason. The drive to camp, though peppered with a few wrong turns, was actually quite empowering and freeing. Entering that dining hall and striking up friendly conversations with strangers reminded me of the fun of connecting with someone new and the delight of discovering shared commonalities. And despite my nervousness, the second I stood to greet the room during my workshop, all my future-tripping was erased and I felt I was exactly where I needed to be. My enthusiasm took over and all I wanted was to share this art form that has become so dear to me.
I was so much braver than I gave myself credit for.
You have within you the capability to do things you never dreamed you could.
And while I know pushing beyond your perceived limits is scary and uncomfortable and it no-doubt can cause those pesky butterflies that are so hard to control, I promise you those moments of fear don’t compare to the feeling you get when you overcome them.
âA comfort zone protects you from the anxiety of uncertainty, but it also hides from you your true measure of courage.â
So this week, I challenge you to tackle one simple act of bravery.
I dare you to think of something you’ve had a desire to accomplish but the sheer thought of it turns your stomach into knots. And then I dare you to show it who’s boss.
You are SO much braver than you think you are, and while I can tell you that with confidence, it only matters that YOU know that. And the only way for you to know that is for you to experience it with your own heart. Let this be the week you prove it to yourself.
—
Words canât quite express my experience at camp. Iâm sure Iâll have more to add and share on the blog when I can fully reflect on what happened there.
But what I can say is that there was so much love.
Itâs so rare to attend an event where every single person you talk to looks you right in the eye and has a genuine curiosity about what youâre passionate about. There was an equal commitment to engage with one another and I experienced it time and time again throughout my days there.
I’m proud that even when those butterflies in my stomach did their chaotic dance, I powered through, drawing courage from my desire to push my own boundaries and open myself up to new possibilities. I now have new friends and new perspectives as a result of that decision.
Itâs funny, before I started doing my own thing, I would have never thought confidence would be a problem for me. Not because I thought I was all that and a bag of chips (yep, Iâm bringing that phrase back, youâre welcome), but because developing self-esteem was always a part of my upbringing.
Growing up, my parents made sure to encourage me and acknowledge my strengths. Iâd tackle school and sports with an I got this mentality, and if it didnât work out (we lost the game, I did poorly on a test, etc) I didnât allow it to define my self-worth or limit my belief in myself. (Score one for the parenting on that one.)
Thatâs why it was especially surprising to me when all that self-belief went out the window as soon as I started my business.
Is this sounding familiar to you at all? Do you have a strong sense of self in one area of life but this whole business thing has you feeling like youâre starting at literally ground zero when it comes to building your confidence?
Hereâs what I found out: You can have all the self-esteem in the world, but the second you decide to turn your passion into your living, cultivating confidence becomes a whole different ball game.
Suddenly every tiny facet of your businessâs success (or failure) feels tied to your self-worth.
When youâre starting out as a creative entrepreneurs, youâre just trying to figure it out as you go along. But wading through all that uncertainty can be a tough environment for confidence to flourish. Youâre constantly finding yourself in situations that are new and itâs only natural to feel unsure because itâs something you have zero prior experience with.
This is particularly challenging for women. I read a book a while back called The Confidence Code: The Science And Art of Self-Assurance. One of my favorite quotes from the introduction that Iâve kept with me is:
âWhy is it that women sound less sure of ourselves when we know we are right than men sound when they think they could be wrong?â -The Confidence Code
Fascinating, right? I definitely see this in my own life.
As a woman, I know that Iâm a people pleaser. Weâre taught to be humble. We donât want to come across as brash or abrasive or cocky because we want to be liked. And we definitely donât want to be caught feeling incompetent, so we wonât assert our full confidence unless we feel weâre absolutely, beyond-the-shadow-of-a-doubt over-prepared to deliver. Itâs a form of protection. Guys, on the other hand, as a whole tend to be less worried about being liked and more concerned with appearing self-assured.
So how did I find confidence in the midst of all that uncertainty? And how can YOU learn to cultivate confidence even in the early days of your business?
You can actually use mindfulness and intentional action to develop your confidence muscle. Itâs not comfortable, but itâs effective.
For the most part I donât like the phrase âfake it til you make it,â because I think authenticity is key to a core-centered business, but in the case of confidence, I think it has some validity.
Not everyone can just flip a switch in their head and suddenly wake up completely certain of their abilities and talents. However, someone can intentionally decide to approach conversations and situations with less hesitation and over time flex that confidence muscle.
In that case, I suppose confidence is less about faking it until you make it and more about practicing it until you believe it.
âConfidence isnât about faking it until you make it; itâs about practicing it until you believe it.â
To show you an example of how you might apply this to your own every day, Iâll share with you this great exercise that one of my friends Clay tried with me regarding introducing yourself as an entrepreneur.
Can you tell someone what you do in six words or less? (ie. âI help _________ do _________.) When we first tried the exercise casually over lunch one day back in the early days of my Made Vibrant, I think I spat out something like 20 words. I was so busy qualifying and meandering through my statement because I didnât feel confident saying Here is what I do. BOOM.
But the idea is, once youâre able to narrow it down to that concise, powerful intro, you can intentionally prepare to share that when someone asks the inevitable question, âWhat do you do?â
YOU can decide to inject those simple six words with confidence and assuredness and to leave it hanging in the air so that they can come back to you with questions. It takes a little getting used to for sure, but when you donât waiver, you are projecting a confidence that other people will pick up on.
The same idea applies to pricing your products or services. As creatives, it can be hard for us to state our prices matter-of-factly because itâs hard to have full confidence in our value and our abilities. Thatâs why we have a tendency to quote prices by saying things like âWell⌠I typically chargeâŚâ or âHow do you feel about $X?â Instead, by intentionally editing those conversations to read âMy rate is $Xâ or âThat package costs $Xâ we can express that we know our worth and our clients and customers will believe in that value too.
Notice how I said âfind.â It doesnât happen overnight. It requires self-discovery and going within yourself to pull out some of the parts you do believe in. Find ways to approach situations with certainty where you might have done so previously with hesitation. And remember, it takes practice and time (as most lasting changes do.)
If you begin to intentionally remind yourself on a daily basis of the things you bring to the table and the people you can help with your gifts, over time you will begin to believe it. And thatâs when confidence can shift from being an intentional, mindful practice to something thatâs ingrained in everything you do.
We all have something unique to offer the world. Those that anchor themselves with confidence in that belief are the ones that make the difference.
Hope your week is off to a glorious start, friends. Letâs make it a good one.
I wish I was about to tell you some amazing story about being a nerdy kid who went on a field trip, got bit by a radioactive spider, and became a web-slinging hero.
Alas, that’s not me, and I’m willing to bet that’s not you either (if it is, please contact me immediately and let’s be best friends!).
Instead, I’m going to share the superpower I’ve discovered I do have. And I didn’t realize this was my superpower until recently.
My superpower is: Taking action
You see, over the years, without even knowing it or paying attention to it, I’ve had the ability to take action on many things (mostly without hesitation).
There have been big decisions and plenty of other businesses I’ve started, all of them wouldn’t have happened without my superpower of taking action.
Like most “real” superpowers, you don’t notice you have them, they’re just a part of who you are.
Here’s why I think taking action is my actual superpower: It’s not that I’m just good at taking action, it’s that I crave helping other people take action. I love using my superpower for myself but equally as much for other people.
I love writing about different topics that inspire people to do something. I love answering emails from fellow entrepreneurs and business owners who are looking for a push in the right direction. I take great pride in using my energy and experience to help other people.
To me, that’s when you know you’ve found your superpower.
It’s 1000% okay if you don’t. But to discover your superpower I encourage you to answer these questions:
Your superpower might be graphic design. It might be copywriting. It might be personal training. It might be compassion. There’s no set list of available superpowers and your superpower might be similar to someone else’s. (Thankfully your superpower probably isn’t turning into a green rage-monster!)
That’s a great question, thanks for hypothetically asking it!
The reason it’s incredibly valuable to know your specific superpower is so you can use it to your advantage. So that you can hone this skill that you have and create a business (or grow an existing one) around it. And as cliche as it sounds: So you can help other people!
Your superpower is something that helps you in your life, while also helping other people in their lives.
I only discovered my superpower a few years ago, it wasn’t included in everything I did online. All of that changed when my wife helped me create my previous website JasonDoesStuff and my email list The Action Army in 2014 (you could call that my tribe). Action-taking has become a thread in everything I’ve done since 2014.
I love being able to use my superpower every single day. It’s empowering to know that I have a skill at my disposal that can help me accomplish the most mundane of tasks as well as my big hopes and dreams (read: crazy weird ideas).
If you’ve been looking for a little clarity in your life, answer these three questions and start embracing your superpower:
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If thereâs one thing Iâve learned about myself over the years, itâs that Iâm not afraid to put myself and my ideas out there. For some of you reading this, youâre the complete opposite (and thatâs okay!).
Fear is something we learn over time. Whether itâs from the people around us or the circumstances we live in. However, fear is also something we can overcome with effort.
When I graduated college I was getting ready to find my first ârealâ job as a graphic designer. Iâd done some freelance design work before graduating, but nothing substantial and nothing long-term. I remember a friend showing me a job listing for a graphic design job at a major sports agency. Immediately doubt and fear crept in. My portfolio didnât contain any sports-related work. I didnât have other sports-related experience. How could I land a job at a world-renowned company with almost no worthwhile credentials?
I remember asking myself all these âwhat ifâ questions but decided what the heck and submitted my resume and portfolio (none of which fit the criteria of what they were looking for). A few days later I received an email and was asked to come in for an interview. Fear set in again, because now I had my foot in the door, but couldnât hide behind technology. I had to sit in front of accomplished people and pretend I could do this job I applied for.
I took the interview and decided I wouldnât pretend to be something I wasnât. They asked questions about previous experience in the sports industry, knowing anything about that sport (which was tennis), and why I thought I was the right fit. I didnât have great answers to any of those questions, but instead, I tried to be honest. I told them I was eager to learn and that it seemed like an environment Iâd thrive in. I stood behind the work I had done and explained my processes and how I worked.
I distinctly remember being scared when they asked me to name five active tennis players and I couldnât. But instead of letting fear paralyze me, I flipped the question back to them and asked them to name five principles used in graphic design. Just like I couldnât name tennis players, they couldnât name design principles.
The interview finished and a few days later I was offered the job. Had I let my fear of the unknown take over, I would never have gotten the job. A job that led me to meet a fellow designer, which led to my first entrepreneurial venture, which led to the idea of IWearYourShirt, which led to me doing more writing, which led to you reading this blog post (and many other things).
There are many moments in our lives when we have decisions that need to be made. Those decisions typically bring about fear and can seem daunting. One way I overcome fear is to ask myself âwhatâs the worst thing that will happen if I do this?â More often than not, there is no âworst thing.â Thereâs no outcome that I canât survive.
Whatever the thing is that youâre afraid of doing right now just ask yourself:
Iâm willing to bet if you answer that question honestly and really drill down, the fear you have wonât be so paralyzing. In fact, the fear you once had might seem trivial.
If I can help you overcome a current fear you have, please reach out on twitter or email.
