The Ultimate Guide to Intentional Living

August 10, 2017

Imagine waking up to a life that energizes you in every possible way. Imagine carefully crafting every aspect of your life (relationships, work, routines, health) in a way that is uniquely designed to make you feel more alive and more fulfilled. That is intentional living.

We like to refer to intentional living as living your brightest life. Your brightest life is the one that allows your innermost, truest, most vibrant self to be expressed.

Your brightest life is the one where you feel free and filled with a sense of joy. The one where you get to the end of each year, looking back on how you spent the majority of your days, and you are filled with a sense of deep contentment and happiness.

It’s one where you no longer dread going to a job that drains you, one where you don’t feel stuck or static any longer, one where you shed every facet of your life that dims your inner light or weighs you down.

Does intentional living sound too good to be true?

We get it. It sounds like some kind of fantasyland, right? But it’s not. This kind of life DOES in fact exist. It just takes intention and work to get there.

I know because I myself got there through a LOT of trial and error (which I continue to experience and learn from because your brightest life is an ever-evolving target.)

But this is the kind of hard work that is worth doing because it leads you to a life you can wake up and be excited about.

Your brightest life doesn’t land in your lap, though; you have to go out and get it.

How do you do that? Well, you’re doing it! It starts right here, right now, through intention. We’ll be talking a lot about that word throughout this guide because intention is the secret to controlling the outcomes in your life.

Using the steps outlined in this guide, you will begin to view your life as a craft—a way of sculpting your future thoughtfully and creatively through mindfulness, introspection, experimentation and vulnerability.

You likely landed here because you’re craving more out of your life.

You know this is your ONE shot on this earth, and you’re open to a more intentional way of living.

Great! You are exactly who I wrote this (massive) in-depth guide for. I want to share with you every single lesson I’ve learned over the years in my own journey to a more vibrant, satisfying life.

I’ll offer you stories, nuggets of wisdom, and thought-provoking questions and challenges so you can start uncovering the pieces to your own brightest life—beginning today.

 

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Introduction:

What The Heck Is Intentional Living Anyway?

Intentional living is making conscious choices everyday to bring about the outcomes and feelings you desire in your life.

Simply put, it’s living a good life on purpose.

Intentional living asks that you recognize only have this ONE precious life, and it matters how you spend each and every moment.

The notion of intention just means with thoughtfulness and purpose, so let me ask you:

Are you thoughtful about how you spend your time and your life? Do you understand the deeper WHY behind the decisions you make and the things you bring into your life?

Practically speaking, for Jason and me, intentional living means constantly checking in with ourselves to see who we are at our most essential core level, what we value most, and how we can design every facet of our lives with those things in mind.

But, before you can truly experience the benefits of living your life more intentionally, there’s one major prerequisite we have to talk about. I call it ownership.

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Section one:

Taking Complete Ownership Of Your Own Life Helps You Live Intentionally

1.1   Ownership is the key to the life you want

What’s the difference between someone who is able to buckle down and turn their dreams into their reality vs. someone who falls just short, never able to fully realize their potential?

That’s what we all really want to know, right? What is this elusive secret to succeeding in your quest to live the life you actually want?

Well, here’s the important point we have to agree on before we go any further:

The secret is YOU. You are the linchpin variable.

There are apps promising to help you stay focused on your work. Blog posts detailing how to start a business. Books to help you be more positive. And those things can be helpful but…

An app is useless unless you own the fact that only you can find the will power within to use it.

A blog post is useless unless you own the fact that your fear is holding you back from actually doing the work.

A book is useless unless you own the fact that you are the source of your negative self-talk.

There’s nothing I can say in this guide, no resources Jason and I can create here on Wandering Aimfully, no catchy phrase I can share on Instagram, that can lead you to the life you want without your commitment to turning those insights into action.

This is where ownership comes in.

Ownership is claiming responsibility for the choices (and outcomes) in your own life.

To me, ownership is the idea that while we are not always responsible for the circumstances that life throws at us or the cards we are dealt, we ARE responsible for how we react to those circumstances in any given moment.

Life is a series of unpredictable questions, but ownership is about accepting that we get a say in how we answer them.

The first time I made this realization, it occurred to me just how many excuses I was making in my life:

• “I can’t be a designer because I don’t have a formal degree or training.”
• “My creative voice isn’t as unique as xyz artist.“
• “I’m a really sensitive person and rejection hits me particularly hard; that’s why I’m not putting myself out there more.”

Those things may or may not be true, but one thing is sure:

I was using these excuses to opt myself out of things I really wanted.

It took me a while to see my self-limiting thoughts were actually my way of choosing the easier route in my life. Yes, I said easier. I know, I know…if you’ve ever found yourself in a spiral of self-doubt, it certainly doesn’t FEEL easy, does it?

But the truth is, if we accept our perceived limitations, we never have to push ourselves beyond what’s comfortable, and that IS the easier choice. It’s a more comfortable choice. It means we never have to rise to the challenge of overcoming those limitations. Of pushing past what we think is possible. Of OWNING the fullness of the life we’re capable of creating for ourselves.

With ownership comes responsibility, and with responsibility comes FEAR—fear of failure and carrying the burden of potentially disappointing ourselves. (We’ll get into fear in depth later on in this guide.)

So we try to share the load by convincing ourselves that other people share the responsibility for our shortcomings (or, on the other end of the spectrum, our successes.)

• Maybe that our ex-boyfriend is the reason we doubt ourselves.
• That the expectations of our parents make us fear changing careers.
• That our kids need all our time and attention and we have no time for ourselves.
• That our partner feels insecure when we succeed or shine in a big way.
• That our big successes thus far are only due to one mentor or break we had.

And yes, all those things might be true.

But when we divvy up the responsibility of our choices to other people, we give away our full power to create the life we dream of.

“When we divvy up the responsibility of our choices to other people, we give away our full power to create the life we dream of.”

Every great change I’ve made in my life has come from the realization that I’m responsible for the way I live each day. I’m responsible for how hard I work, for how badly I want something.

Only YOU have the power to own your strengths and use them. Only YOU have the power to acknowledge your weaknesses and work on them.

If you’re wondering why you haven’t been able to finally make your vision come to life, it’s possible that you’re placing ownership in someone else’s hands. Waiting for someone to choose you. Waiting for the right tip or trick to come along. Waiting for that switch to flip. Waiting for someone ELSE to change first.

Not anymore.

There is nothing more powerful or hopeful than finally taking ownership of your life.

Are you ready to take full responsibility for your choices so you can start living more intentionally?

If so, then keep reading. Now the real work begins.

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Section Two:

Start Intentionally Live By Uncovering Your Core Self

Once you begin reclaiming your power and start owning your responsibility for creating the life you want, the next natural question then becomes:

Well, what IS the life that you want?

You may already have the answer right now. Deep down you may see the future you want for yourself and you’re looking for ways to break through and go get it. OR…you may reading this right now with no idea what you want, you just know there has to be something better than this.

Whichever camp you’re in, one thing is certain: there is no one-size-fits-all recipe for a happy life.

The answer to what brings happiness and fulfillment is different for every person and even different for the same person at different times in their life.

That’s why the foundation of living your brightest life begins with understanding who you are at the deepest level.

This is what I call uncovering your “core self.”

2.1   What is your “core self?”

In my TEDx talk (embedded below), I speak about this metaphor I have in my head that I like to picture sometimes. I envision every person arriving as a spirit to this world as a unique “color”—a completely one-of-a-kind hue that encompasses the truest mix of our human potential. It represents our unique combination of gifts, talents, personality, likes, and predispositions.

 
But, as we grow older, the expectations placed on us from other people—society, friends, family, media, etc.—can often dim that technicolor potential. Things like fear and stress and the endless quest for validation start muddying that bright color of ours.

It’s our job to find our way back to that pure, original state: our brightest, most vibrant state of being.

THAT is what your core self represents: the purest, brightest expression of your spirit.

It’s the deepest, truest expression of who you are, separate from what anyone else thinks of you.

Your core self is the part of you that yearns to be free. Deep down it’s begging you to make choices that will allow it to be fully expressed. It’s that feeling in your gut. Your intuition. Your truth. That deeper knowing.

If you learn to listen to it, it WILL lead you to your brightest life. 

But learning to listen to your core self is a skill—one that must be practiced.

I like to think of your core self as a super-charged magnet. There are certain things that it will pull in closer to you, and there are things it will repel away from you. Your job is to learn how to pay attention to those gravitational forces so you can better understand what your core self desires.

Let’s talk about some ways you can begin to uncover who you are on a core level.

2.2   Mining your childhood for clues to your core self

Going back to your early years can be a great way to look for clues about your core self. In many ways, our childhood selves represent the purest version of who we are. If the goal is to find your truest sense of self, one approach is to go back to a time before the world began influencing your identity.

Or, as Danielle LaPorte once said:

• Who were you before the expectations of the world came tumbling into the mix?
• What did you want to be before you know what was considered “successful?”
• What did you want to do before you learned what was “realistic” or socially acceptable?

For me personally, I was always drawn to creative pursuits as a kid. I used to spend hours upon hours doing arts and crafts projects at our house. I’d take over the kitchen table, or spread newspaper out across our garage so I could paint this thing or try out new art supplies or bring an idea to life. With the freedom of exploration and play I carried as a child, I can see that creating was so clearly what I always wanted to do.

And yet, it took years for me to return to this knowing. I almost abandoned this core part of myself.

Listening to what teachers and other adults were telling me, I grew up thinking that my high performance in school is what made me special. One look at my high GPA and adults would often assure me I was no doubt going to be “successful.” That I would “make a great doctor or lawyer someday.”

Even from a young age, the message was clear: art is just a hobby, not something you should aspire to or cultivate.

Thank goodness the inner kid inside me spoke up when I felt myself headed down a road that wasn’t resonating in my heart. It was pretty early on in my journey down the “traditional career path” when I realized the big wig advertising job I had aspired to was a poor fit for me (more on that later). Thank goodness that inner kid said, “Stop chasing whatever you think being ‘successful’ is. Do what brings you joy instead.”

It took many more of these nagging-voice moments to start unlearning who I thought I should be, but remembering that little girl covered in marker and elated with experimental art projects was the first step to remembering a big part of who I was deep down.

 

2.3   What makes you feel the most YOU

There’s no rocket science to this one. A great way to figure out who you truly are is simply to ask yourself. Many people struggle to take the time to quiet their minds and go inward and ask: When do I feel the most ME?

Think of the parts of yourself that heavily influence how you show up in the world, the people you surround yourself with, and what you spend your time doing.

For me, creativity is one part of the equation. I find myself drawn to activities where I can express myself, make things and experiment. I love people who are creative and doing something new and interesting. And, if given an empty block of free time, my choice is almost always to use it to create.

But that’s just one part of me. Over the years I’ve peeled back layer upon layer to understand so many facets of what’s at the heart of me. I’m deeply empathetic and sensitive. I’m goofy and light-hearted. I’m endlessly curious. I can be stubborn and defiant.

Each one of these traits is something I’ve uncovered about myself through a multitude of ways: therapy, journaling, travel experiences, reading books, having a creative practice, etc. I’m constantly looking for new opportunities to spend time with myself and get to know myself better.

Which is perhaps one of the biggest pieces of advice I can give you about intentional living and starting to craft a happier life:

Always stay curious about yourself.

In my book, Your Brightest Life Journal, I begin with a chapter on self-awareness that starts with this quote:

Never stop learning about yourself. Never stop asking yourself WHY you do the thing you do or WHY you feel pulled to certain things. These are breadcrumbs that will lead you to your truest core self.

2.4 You are full of contradictions and that’s beautiful

It’s important to note here that the code to our core self is usually a mixed bag, often contain seemingly contradicting elements.

For example, at my core, I feel I’m equal parts intuitive AND logical. These opposing forces play out in different ways in my life in business. I may enjoy putting on my bosslady, make-it-happen, practical business hat, but I also enjoy trading it in for my intuitive, sometimes idealistic, touchy-feely artist hat. Both elements feel like true parts of me.

One moment I’ll find myself watching a GaryVee video, lighting a fire in me to tackle my goals with gusto and approach my work with strategy and logic. Then, later that same day I’ll read a post from Liz Gilbert reminding me to return to my truth and to create wholeheartedly, without worrying about what’s necessary “practical” or what will make me money.

Both people inspire me. Both messages speak to me. I find myself benefiting from both perspectives at different moments in time.

Instead of just embracing this complex mixture within my identity, here’s what sometimes happens instead…

I find myself swinging wildly from one end of the spectrum to the other, convinced that one of these sides is the “right” side of the fence to be on. Then, inevitably I feel like I’m somehow cheating on the part of myself that’s still clinging to the other side.

“I need to embrace that I’m running a business here and not view my work so idealistically!”

“NO! I need to return to the purity of making and not put so much pressure on my work to be financially fruitful.”

“NO this is right.”

“NO that is right.”

And before long my brain and my heart feel like they’re literally engaged in some epic version of tug of war. It’s exhausting.

Then, after a couple of deep breaths, I take a step back and ask myself:

What if it’s actually just somewhere in the middle?

We are all complex humans with the capacity to hold all sorts of opposing forces within us at the same time.

We can be creators AND business owners. We can carry both masculine AND feminine facets. We can believe in striving forward toward goals AND taking gratitude for what we have now.

The struggle only arises in our attempt to create false dichotomies where they need not exist.

Our identities are not either/or; they are YES, AND.

I’m a little bit of Garyvee AND a little bit of Liz Gilbert. I’m deep and light-hearted. I thrive on a mix of still satisfaction and fiery forward-motion. My truth is somewhere in the middle of all that.

And I’m betting yours is too.

The distress and exhaustion of our “struggle” don’t actually come from traveling back and forth between the two ends of our polarities. The distress comes from fighting the urge to travel between the two or judging ourselves for not being more easily categorized. That uncertain feeling comes from pretending that either one is a static solution rather than a dynamic flow.

We have to learn to see this pendulum swing from one end of a spectrum to the other not as a struggle or tug of war, but instead as a dance—a waltz where the passage is fluid and purposeful and graceful.

As you begin to uncover the truth of who you are at your core, be willing to accept the multi-faceted nature of your humanity.

Recognize that your uniqueness actually lies in the combination of your opposing forces. These contradictions are what make you unexpected, singular and, yes, beautiful.

 

2.5 Letting go of stories that don’t serve you

Whenever you start doing the work of getting to know yourself better, you inevitably will find yourself getting acquainted with the parts of yourself that you historically are NOT comfortable with. You’ll recognize your brain playing familiar tapes of self-criticism and doubt. You’ll hear stories emerge that you’ve told yourself about your identity for years. Stories like:

“I’m not a creative person.”
“I don’t deserve to pursue a more fulfilling life.”
“I’m not disciplined enough to change my life.”

But here’s the thing. These are in fact just that: stories. They are not written in stone. They can be examined, dismantled and rebuilt into something more positive. Something TRUER.

In my pursuit to uncover my core self, one story I kept slamming up against was this notion that I am weak or fragile. I was such a sensitive, emotional kid and society’s traditional message to those personality traits is vulnerability equals weakness. I didn’t realize just how much this story was affecting different aspects of my life and how I was seeing myself.

As it turns out, sensitivity and emotion IS a part of my core self. But I get to rewrite the story of what that means. It means I’m compassionate. It means I’m open-hearted. It means I’m unguarded. It does NOT mean I am weak.

Once I was able to let go of that story, I was able to fully embody that part of myself that I was afraid to embrace as a result of that story.

What about you?

What stories are you ready to let go of so you can embrace who you actually are?

What negative stories are holding you back from fully embodying your core self? It could be a story about who you are, or who you think you are as a result of things that have happened to you in your life.

Now is the time to do the rewriting. Don’t let doubt or pain or fear define you or claim your identity.

2.6 Practical ways to get to know yourself better so you can live intentionally

This section has been all about discovering your core self. I’ve given you questions and challenges that will help lead you to who you are at the deepest level.

But, as I mentioned, self-awareness is a lifelong pursuit that takes practice. You have to seek out experiences and situations where you can learn about yourself and then you have to carve out the time, space, and mindfulness to actually listen. Here are some of the ways I recommend you do just that.

Meditation

I love the app Headspace for doing guided meditations. I find that carving out 15 minutes a day to quiet your mind allows you to more clearly hear the call of your core self when it’s speaking to you.

Therapy

I’m a huge proponent of therapy whether you think you “need it” or not. Having an outside party ask questions and uncover insights with you is so valuable. Even when I felt I knew myself through and through, therapy led me to new, deeper insights that helped me see ways I could thrive even more in my life. (Not to mention it has done wonders for taking control of my anxiety and living with more peace in general!)

Journaling

Writing is a great way to let your subconscious speak to you. Even just committing to a few minutes each morning to get your thoughts out of your head can help you uncover desires and core parts of you that you weren’t aware of. Try asking yourself these questions about who you are and see what answers pop up.

A creative practice

This may not be the case with everyone, but when I’m painting or drawing or even doodling, I’m able to go inward and visit with myself in a way that no other activity allows for. These sessions are often the times when I check in with myself about what I’m feeling and that leads me to a better understanding about what that “core self magnet” is being drawn to or repelled by.

Travel

I find that new places and experiences also teach me a great deal about myself. Travel doesn’t have to mean expensive European vacations. It can mean camping for the weekend or renting an Airbnb in a city nearby. Anything that gets you out of your normal routines and daily commitments can help you start to ask yourself those deeper questions.

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Section Three:

Intentionally Living Requires That You Define Your Core Values

The happiness and satisfaction we’re all searching for is attainable, but only once we’re able to design a life based on our unique core values. 

You won’t find sustained happiness through buying what society tells you to buy.
You won’t find sustained happiness by gaining admiration or notoriety.
You won’t find sustained happiness by doing what you think others want you to do.

You will only find lasting satisfaction and contentment when you craft a life that allows your core self to be fully expressed.

As you now know, your core self represents the deepest essence of who you are. Your core values, however, represent what your core self needs to fully thrive.

This doesn’t just mean the big things like family, health, and friendship that nearly all of us want in our lives. These core values also refer to the more nuanced things that vary between each of us.

For example, one of my core values is flexibility. My core self is sensitive and creative, and over time I’ve come to realize that I feel most at peace when I have the ability to mold my environment, my schedule, my daily routine to however I’m feeling and whenever inspiration hits me. My core self loves the spontaneity and novelty this brings, whereas someone else might crave more structure and predictability.

Unfortunately, I can’t just give you one definitive blueprint to uncover your values. It’s a highly personal pursuit. It requires time to go inward and develop a deep self-awareness as I talked about in Section Two.

But again, I think it helps to try to think of your core self as a magnet. Notice what that magnet is drawn to and what it’s repelled by. Pay attention to what feels energizing to you and what feels draining. These are clues about what you’re underlying values are. These are indications about what your core self needs to thrive.

 

3.1 Seeking alignment: When your actions match your values and core desires

Now that you have an idea of what core values are, you’re ready for the big key to living your brightest life.

Your brightest life is the one where you are able to live out your core values on a daily basis.

If you can do that, you will find the satisfying life you’re in search of. But, this requires you to make a big shift in how you measure your own “success.”

Intentional living asks you to shift your definition of success from one based on achievement to one based on alignment.

Achievement (the way society typically measures success) is about looking outside yourself for validation.

Achievement says: If I can just do this thing, reach this goal, acquire this whatever, arrive at this arbitrary benchmark, gain this approval…THEN I will be worthy and feel happy.

It’s extrinsically motivated, meaning it relies on validation from other people.

Alignment, however, is completely intrinsically motivated.

Alignment is about matching up your actions with your values.

Alignment says: As long as I’m living my truth and walking out my values on a daily basis, I have already won.

No permission from others, no approval, no validation from anyone other than yourself.

This is why values are so crucial for you to define. It gives you freedom from the rat race of “success.” You can stop chasing all the things that lead you farther away from yourself and instead focus on what will fill up the tank of your core self.

3.2 Defending the essential and protecting your core values

Once you define your values, it becomes much clearer to see what things you want to let into your life and which things you don’t.

There’s a book Jason and I both love called Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown.

The guiding principle of the book can be boiled down to this one phrase: less, but better.

Less, but better is the acknowledgment that eliminating non-essential elements and focusing on a few key things will allow us to more effectively allocate our limited resources (time, money, energy, thought, etc.) to the things that matter most.

As Greg writes:

“…When we try to do it all and have it all, we find ourselves making trade-offs at the margins that we would never take on as our intentional strategy. When we don’t purposefully and deliberately choose where to focus our energies and time, other people — our bosses, our colleagues, our clients, and even our families — will choose for us, and before long we’ll have lost sight of everything that is meaningful and important. We can either make our choices deliberately or allow other people’s agendas to control our lives.” — Greg McKeown, Essentialism

What he’s saying is that if we don’t get intentional about our values and what is essential to us, we can easily allow the whims of other people and less important pursuits dictate our time and energy. This will inevitably lead to trade-offs we would never make of our own choosing.

For example, let’s say two of your core values are creativity and impact so you set a goal of writing your very first book. You want to complete this goal in the next three months, but you neglect to take a look at your life and define what’s essential in the context of this new goal. Some non-essential time commitments (dinners with friends, favors you said yes to, the monotony of chores, catching up on the latest Netflix shows, etc.) quickly suck up your time and energy, and at the end of three months, you wonder why you’ve barely written any words.

By not defining (and defending) what is essential, your goal is never turned into a reality and your values are never turned into action.

Over time, without the needs of your core self being met, you’ll start to feel the dissatisfaction rise.

When you’re not living in alignment with your core self, you’re not able to step into your brightest life.

It’s not enough to know what your values are; you have to create boundaries in order to protect them.

Defending the essential in your life requires you to say no to many things—things you may even like—so you can say yes to something better.

 

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Section four:

Building An Intentional Life Based On Your Unique Values

Now it’s time to evaluate your current life through the lens of your newly-defined core values.

Think of your core values as your ingredients to living your brightest life. They’re your building blocks, but they still need to be combined to form a tasty recipe that’s delicious and satisfying.

To start shifting your life in the direction of your core self desires, you will likely have to let go of the way you’re used to doing things now. You’ll need to:

• Pick apart your choices to separate out the things you’re doing out of obligation or as a means of chasing achievement-based success from the things you’re doing out of deep alignment;
• Learn how to constantly tap into your intuition so you can stay on course; and
• Begin taking a closer look at how you spend your precious resources—time, money, energy.

Letting go of what you “should” do

Living a life of alignment is great in theory, but it’s a little bit messier in practice.

Embracing alignment as your new goal means letting go of what you think you should do with your life based on the opinions of other people, and that’s not always easy.

Staying mindful of this one little word—should—is one way to decipher whether your motivations are fueled by alignment or achievement.

Let me illustrate this to you with a story.

And you’re welcome for the throwback photo from college!

It was the summer of 2009 (my last summer before graduating college), and I had landed an advertising internship at one of the most prestigious and recognizable advertising agencies in the world, deep in the heart of Manhattan.

After months of preparation and dedication, I had been accepted as one of six students in the entire country to partake in a highly coveted program. When I got the news, I remember feeling like my dreams were coming true.

In my college advertising program, there was a well-defined path that was universally regarded as the launching pad to a “successful” career in the ad industry. The singular goal was to claim a spot at a big name agency in New York City, working on national and international brands. This would be a clear sign you were on the accelerated path up the corporate ladder. That was the dream, and everyone in my ad program knew it.

Being the overachiever that I was growing up, that dream is what I set my sights on. I pictured myself in my Manhattan apartment, riding the subway to work, learning from the most creative minds in advertising with the biggest budgets on Earth. It seemed like a pretty good dream to me.

June 1st rolled around—Day 1 of my big career in advertising—and I touched down in NYC, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I was ready to begin my ascent up the career ladder.

I sat in client meetings where we discussed budgets that blew my mind. There was an endless free supply of M&M’s and Pepsi at my fingertips whenever I pleased (two clients of the agency). I shared an elevator with the CEO of the entire worldwide operation. From the outside, my life was something to be envied.

But inside, it felt anything but glamorous.

Just a week or two into the summer, I started to experience this uncomfortable feeling in my gut (hello, core self trying to talk to me!). My days filled up with deadlines, client calls, and research assignments that were needed at the drop of a hat and in the blink of an eye. People seemed to be constantly scrambling with a sense of urgency that left me on edge.

There was a heaviness hanging in the air that I can’t quite explain—a mingling cloud of expectations, sacrifice, and stress—and it followed everyone around the office. It coated the entire experience in angst. Every day when I walked into that building, the feeling in my gut would sink deeper, and I knew that was my soul telling me this path would bring me farther away from myself, rather than closer to what I ultimately wanted.

I did manage to endure the summer, trying to soak up every ounce of knowledge I could, but I returned to school in the fall knowing the New York ad life wasn’t for me.

When class started back up, my friends asked about my internship with eager, expectant eyes. “How was it? Was it everything you hoped for?”

My first instinct was to lie. To maintain the illusion. Ultimately though, I chose to tell the truth, using a line like, “It just wasn’t for me” or “I guess it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.”

Despite my nonchalance, I remember in those moments feeling painfully self-conscious of their judgment.

“I bet they think I can’t cut it.”
“They’re probably thinking I’ll never be successful.”
“I can’t believe they wasted such a high profile internship on me.”

The negative self-talk was never-ending. I cared so damn much what people thought about me. I didn’t realize back then just how much my self-worth was tied to the validation of other people.

As much as I knew I hated the feeling of working somewhere that didn’t align with my values, I was still clinging to that feeling of appearing at the top of my game. I mean, this was THE PATH. This was THE DREAM that everyone said I should want and it was within my grasp.

I should want to work with the biggest clients in the world. I should want to work at one of the most decorated agencies in the world. I should want to live in New York—the epicenter of the advertising industry.

But true happiness doesn’t come from following shoulds.

Happiness comes from knowing yourself and living a life that feels aligned with your values. What’s the point in living a life that looks good but doesn’t FEEL good?

The hardest part of shedding my “should life” wasn’t learning to pay attention to my gut; the hardest part was following through on what it was telling me.

The hardest part was letting go of the perception that I was “living the dream.”

Guess what, though? I’ve never regretted it for ONE SINGLE SECOND.

Listening to that voice inside and following it wherever it leads has continued to bring forth even brighter and more fulfilling seasons of life.

I don’t have a Manhattan apartment. I don’t manage million-dollar budgets. I don’t play pretend Mad Men every day.

Instead, I live near the ocean where the soothing smell of salt always laces the air. I make my own hours. I set my own deadlines. I go see movies in the middle of the day sometimes because it helps me unwind. I work alongside my cute pup and my husband/best friend.

This is the difference between living a should life and living a GOOD life.

This is the difference between living according to the values of society vs. your own core values.

4.2 Using your values as a compass guiding you back to yourself

Think of your core self as a wise journey guide that you carry within you all the time. Your core values are like the infallible compass that your journey guide holds. They are your tool for finding your way back to your brightest life in the moments that threaten to throw you off your course.

People often talk about this notion of intuition or your “gut.” We all have that deep knowing that tries to tell us when we’re making choices that are taking us farther away from ourselves, or doing things that aren’t authentic to who we are deep down.

That voice, that knowing, that intuition—THAT is your inner journey guide saying: “Excuse me, can we consult the core values compass, please, because we are getting way off course here!”

I encourage you to start listening to that voice. It speaks in all sorts of different ways. Sometimes it feels like an ache in your belly, a more obvious whack over hte head (thanks, Rafiki), a nagging feeling that won’t go away, a sense of unease, a tightened chest, or an unexplainable sensation that something is just “off.” In whatever way it chooses to speak to you, try to hear it. Stay mindful of those inner vibrations and get curious when you feel something is out of sync.

Then, turn back to your compass. Look at your list of values (hopefully you wrote those down by now) and ask yourself: Am I truly living out each of these in my life? Am I making decisions that align with these things?

If the answer is no, that’s okay. That’s when you know it’s time to make some changes to course-correct.

The thing about authenticity is that none of us typically knows what’s right or wrong for ourselves until we experience it. We don’t know a career path isn’t for us until we live it every day. We may not know a relationship is toxic until we have time and experience to compare it to. Authentic living is a full-contact, hands-on, roll-your-sleeves-up kind of sport, and you have to know that going into it.

If our only way of discovering the right path for us is feeling our way through it, then we’re bound to make some wrong turns every now and again.

In order to course-correct, we have to speak up and make some changes, which can lead to some hard conversations.

To get to the life that you want, you will no doubt have to power through some very hard conversations and decisions. It’s simply the price of entry to the promised land of authentic living.

You may have to let your boss know you’re quitting, or tell your loved ones you’re moving, or get terrifyingly honest with a toxic friend, or break-up with a boyfriend/girlfriend.

In those moments you might feel like you’re letting someone down, or like everyone is looking at you like you’re crazy.

But that’s when it’s important for you to remember that any life that doesn’t illuminate your spirit through and through is too small for you.

Any life that doesn’t illuminate your spirit through and through is too small for you.

When you take a step back, do you really think the fear of a hard conversation should have the power to rob you of a life that feels bright and true and full?

Is avoiding an awkward break-up or family argument or an uncomfortable conversation with a boss or colleague worth wondering what might have been?

In my opinion, the answer is no. But how do you actually power through those hard conversations? How do you let someone else know you’re course-correcting and risk disappointing someone?

Well, try starting with telling the truth. Remind yourself WHY it’s important that you make a change, and remember that you only have one, precious life—one opportunity to make the most of your days on this earth. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how someone else reacts to your truth; it’s yours. A hard conversation will be painful for just a tiny fraction of time compared to a lifetime of living as a shadow of yourself.

 

4.3 Living your values, even when it’s inconvenient

Sometimes listening to that voice and living out your values means making choices that will disappoint people or confuse them or even make people angry. This is when living out your values will feel highly…inconvenient.

It’s convenient to value truth and authenticity when you don’t have any hard truths to reveal.

It’s convenient to value collaboration and encouraging others when your business is doing well and you’re not feeling self-conscious and in a comparison tailspin.

It’s convenient to value slowness and rest when you’re not scrambling to pay off your credit card.

However, when living your values feels inconvenient, that’s when you need the guidance from those values the most.

“When living your values feels inconvenient, that’s when you need the guidance from those values the most.”

Let’s say one of your values is authenticity and transparency. This shows up most visibly in your business. You don’t like sales tactics that feel sleazy or misleading, regardless of their efficacy.

But what happens when your business isn’t growing or sales are down and you see a sales tactic working for someone else that feels less than authentic? Will you be tempted to sacrifice what you value to get what you want in the short-term? Will the inconvenience of sticking to your guns make you bury your head in the sand?

Or let’s say activism is one of your core values. When you see injustices in the world, the compassion within your core self craves taking action to right those wrongs.

But what happens when staying true to your activist heart means alienating friends or followers that might negatively impact your business? In those situations, will you have the courage to walk your own path, even if it means other people will have their opinions about it?

These are the scenarios you have to be prepared for when you’re carving out your brightest life. You WILL be tempted to ignore your own compass and stray off your path.

What you will realize though is that whatever gains you may receive from ignoring your core values, they will be short-lived.

A feeling of dissatisfaction is sure to follow when you acquire something in a way that goes against what your core self believes because it doesn’t come from a place of deep truth.

Our core values are easy to talk about, easy to write down on paper, easy to profess…but they’re often anything but easy to live out, especially when things aren’t going your way. It’s easier to hide from yourself. It’s easier to let the tide of your circumstances (and your ego) carry you away from yourself. That is until you finally look around and suddenly you don’t recognize where you are anymore.

Don’t let yourself become lost. Get back to the life you truly want to be living, even if it means making hard choices to get there.

How To Stick With A Goal When Progress Feels Invisible

August 7, 2017

Sometimes it comes out of nowhere…that feeling you get when you finally work up the courage to take on a new challenge or make a change or set an audacious goal.

You could be cruising along on autopilot, comfortable and in control, but one day you feel this tiny spark of What if.

What if I taught myself how to code a website?
What if I committed to 100 days of painting?
What if I stuck to a work out schedule for the next twelve weeks?
What if I saved up my money to start my own business six months from now?

What if.

The seed of possibility is planted and it’s enough to snap you right out of that autopilot. You crave new territory to explore, new parts of yourself to awaken.

That beginning feeling is intoxicating, isn’t it? It’s a crackling simmer of excitement and energy and heat.

That energy is enough to finally get you started toward your new goal.

So you begin.

You buy the supplies. Or write out your schedule. Or announce your intention.

In the early days, the thrill of possibility keeps you showing up.

It’s fun learning something new! you think.

The feeling of accomplishment, the boost of confidence you experience from making a commitment and working toward a new goal.

But then it happens.

You hit The Wall.

The Wall is that stage when the novelty of a new goal wears off, the fire and excitement settle into a subtle background hum, and the reality of the work sets in.

The excitement continues to fade when you realize it’s impossible to see the progress that’s unfolding.

The improvement in your art from one day to the next is nearly imperceptible.
The photos of your weight-loss journey from one day to the next look identical.
You feel no more competent in that new skill you’re learning from one day to the next.

Those are the moments when The Wall steals your momentum and you consider quitting. Why? Because…

When you’re in the midst of a transformative journey, the incremental progress is usually invisible. 

Over the years, I’ve committed to several of these kinds of transformative goals, both big and small. Thirty days of hand-lettering. A year of making art every day. Learning Italian. A month of meditation. Most recently, twelve weeks of running.

I love these kinds of challenges. That spark of desire to push myself to new territory and snap out of my comfort zone hits me unexpectedly, and I just go for it.

But with every single transformation I’ve committed to, whether I completed it or fell short, The Wall was always there.

Which then leads me to this question, the one that you may be asking yourself at this moment:

When you can’t see or feel progress in the moment, where do you find the motivation to keep going? 

How do you push past The Wall and follow through on your commitments long enough to see a real transformation?

My answer comes down to two pieces of advice:

1. Hold on to the belief that transformation IS happening. 

This is easier said than done, but what helps me when I’m in that gap before real change is visible is to remind myself over and over that I DO believe the thing I’m doing is getting me closer to my goal (or else I wouldn’t be doing it.)

So, for example, let’s take my recent commitment to start a running practice (despite my intense loathing of this activity for most of my life.) Four days in and already The Wall has arrived. The newness is gone and the reality has set in that it’s going to take several more weeks before I can feel or see real change in my fitness.

UT, every single time I lace up my shoes, I remind myself that there’s just no way that running 4 times a week for 12 weeks doesn’t improve my fitness. Just no way.

So even in these early days when I can’t experience the progress I want to see at the end of my challenge, I keep my attention on the fact that I do know it’s happening. That simple belief is sometimes just enough to get you to show up for that commitment or challenge the next day.

2. Shift the measure of success from progress to presence. 

Speaking of showing up, I think that’s the other key to pushing past The Wall. So often when we set goals in our minds, we think of them in terms of these visual progress bars. How far have we come? How far do we have left to go?

The downside of that progress mentality, though, is that in the beginning when that progress bar feels so small, or when you look at how far you have to go without any visible signs of transformation, it can quickly become disheartening. You’re putting in work without seeing much return yet, and it becomes easy to convince yourself more work just isn’t worth it.

That’s when you have to change your measure of success from progress to presence. 

Rather than looking ahead or looking behind, consider being right here, right now, in this moment in your transformation.

Take this one single day or activity in isolation, and make completing THAT the win. Heck, make just showing up the win.

If “success” becomes about just showing up to meet the challenge of the day — sitting at the desk, lacing up the shoes, getting out our your supplies —  that feels a lot less daunting than worrying about completing some mental progress bar that feels unreachable.

If you take enough of those present moments, those days that you showed up, and you stack them end to end, eventually you do arrive at that final transformation down the road. And you’re probably more likely to finally arrive at that destination because you were able to fight past The Wall, even when you couldn’t draw motivation from any results or progress you could see.

“When progress feels invisible, shift the attention from progress to presence. The win is showing up.”

If you are in the midst of trying to make a big change right now or if you’ve challenged yourself in the past but given up because you couldn’t see real progress, I hope today’s letter gives you some insights on new ways you can approach transformation in the future.

Big change happens in tiny moments, but if we want to keep those tiny moments going, we have to find ways to reframe our obsession with progress and seeing or feeling results right away.

Forge ahead with the belief that change IS happening, even if you can’t see it today!

How To Become a Master at Finding The Best of Anything

June 26, 2017

Wayyyy back in my entrepreneurial journey (around 2006), I was a co-founder of a tiny design and development company. It was actually an amazing gig with two super-talented guys.

We regularly met in person and shared random ideas and thoughts for things we could build that would get attention for our design and development services*. Silly ideas for apps, software, or random Tumblr accounts we thought might get a laugh. But on one occasion we found an idea that actually felt like it had bigger potential:

A search engine completely dedicated to improving the online shopping experience. We called it “piQul.”

(Wasn’t our 2006 spelling, so… 2006??)

The idea behind piQul was to solve the mental pickle that we consumers find ourselves in when we’re looking for the best. From headphones to podcasting microphone to running shoes, etc., piQul would make comparison shopping easier.

Our team hypothesized that searching the term “the best [ insert product ]” actually wasn’t enough. It was too broad because the best anything is always highly dependent on the environment you’ll be using that product in. The best headphones for a DJ, for example, are not the best headphones for a marathon runner. (Although that’d be pretty funny to see.)

PiQul would have you choose your product, and then add a qualifier about how you would use that product. It would solve your mental pickle by helping you make the best pick for your situation.

(Oh yes, I saved a screenshot and have kept it in a safe place all these years later!)

Unfortunately, we didn’t end up building piQul. Truthfully, I believe it was because we landed a well-paying gig and we needed cash to continue running our little company. But thinking back on piQul and what we were trying to build in 2006, I notice a lot of parallels that are still relevant to overall decision making today. Maybe even more relevant since we’re currently in Information Overload Times.

(Remember, this was 2006. There was basically no Twitter, Facebook was a newborn startup, and the plethora of blog content you’d find on Google today didn’t exist back then.)

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To find the best of anything you need additional qualifiers

I’ve thought about piQul often over the years. It usually re-enters my brain when I’m searching Google or Amazon for the best [ insert thing I need to make my life better ]. What I’ve come to realize is that we were completely right in 2006: Best is subjective and nearly impossible to answer.

This tweet and response from @cobusvv is what sparked this thought and article:

Whats the best?

— Cobus (@cobusvanvuuren) May 31, 2017

The short story behind that tweet is I was looking for a simple microphone setup for my desk. My neighbor (Caleb) happens to be a Level 16 Audio and Video Wizard and has an office filled to the brim with audio equipment. While standing in Caleb’s office I was sharing what I wanted for this simple microphone setup. We both had this mutual understanding that I wasn’t looking for “the best microphone,” I was looking for “the best microphone + a setup that was compact, kept my desk clutter-free, used tech that I could operate, and sounded good in my ear.”

That’s a crapload of additional qualifiers, but without those qualifiers, what someone else might have recommended as “the best” wouldn’t have fit my needs.

When searching for the best of anything, define what you actually need it to be the best for

In the case of Cobus’ reply to my tweet about a microphone setup and his subsequent question “what’s the best?” there are a bunch of extra follow-up questions:

1. What will you be using this microphone for?
2. What’s your budget?
3. Do you want the mic on a boom arm, desk stand, or other?
4. Does the setup need to be able to break down quickly and store easily?
5. Do you want a bunch of additional equipment on your desk to power the microphone and control all its settings (that you may not understand at all)?

I could go on and on.

Looking for the singular best of anything is like searching for the holy grail, the silver bullet, the overnight success. You can keep looking, but you’ll never find it. And you’ll probably be less happy with your final choice, too.

Whether you’re trying to find the best microphone setup, online course platform, literary agent, design agency, writing pencil, website host, etc., stop looking for “the best,” and start looking for the “the best + whatever you need to make it the best for your specific situation.”

Let me break down a couple “what’s the best?” scenarios

These examples relate to business, since I love online business and that’s what I try to focus helping people with.

The best designer for your project

Well, what is your project? Because a designer that nails wedding invitations is probably not the right fit for doing UX and UI design for your iPhone app.

The best developer for your startup

You might want to go cheap to save as much money as possible, but you’ll end up overpaying in the long-run. “The best” option here is to find someone who has worked with another startup before and has a proven track record. It’s like that quote from Red Adair: “If you think it’s expensive to hire a professional, wait until you hire an amateur.”

The best website builder for non-techies

Hands down, I would say Squarespace is the answer for 90% of people reading this. You don’t need much technical knowledge. Squarespace makes the entire process fairly painless. You can even buy your domain directly through them.

The best website builder for tech-savvy folks

WordPress. But you probably already know this. It’s versatile. The available plugins allow you to almost do anything you can imagine. Plus, hosting providers like Flywheel (affiliate link of who I use) make the backend side of things a no-brainer.

The best email marketing provider for non-techies

MailChimp. But you probably already know this. If you don’t, now you do.

The best email marketing provider for tech-savvy folks

Now things get interesting! We need more qualifiers—bring me ALL the qualifiers!

• If you’re a blogger, not doing much automation or fanciness: ConvertKit
• If you’re a small biz and want some automation and CRM features: ActiveCampaign
• If you’re wayyyy into automation (like crazy in): Drip
• There are probably 10 other qualifiers that warrant other answers. My friend Bryan actually put together a tool to help you pick your email provider. See how “the best” isn’t a single answer?

The best microphone setup for non-techies

My recommendation would be the RODE podcaster package. It’s a USB-powered mic (meaning you don’t need other equipment on your desk) and the package comes with the boom arm and shock mount.

The best microphone setup for techies

I’m probably not the person to ask. But Chase Reeves has a fantastic podcast microphone comparison video you can watch:

 

The best video setup for aspiring vloggers

Back in my YouTube day (2009), there wasn’t a smartphone that stood a chance at capturing great video. Now, all smartphones can. This young vlogger has a great video (squeaky voice and all) that helps you create a simple setup for $60.

The best video setup for professional vloggers

Oh boy, this can of worms is even larger than the podcasting can of worms. This veteran YouTuber has four options that would be “the best” by many standards.

The best launch strategy for a first-time product creator

Lucky for you, I wrote an 8-step launch strategy article related to this exact topic.

The best way to start your first online business

Oh, hey, I wrote an article about this, too.

*The best way to get more people seeing the work you create

Remember that asterisk at the very beginning of this article? You don’t? Well I’ll remind that it was related to a statement about getting attention for what we were doing as a design and dev company. One of the absolute best ways to get people to notice you and your work is to share that work and to spend time creating for the sake of creating. This story on how a designer would redesign Instagram is a fantastic example.

Obviously, I could go on and on and on. But for the sake of keeping this article succinct and circling back to the point, let’s finish this up.

Stop looking for the (generic) best and start looking for the best for your specific situation

Living in the digital age with so much information at our fingertips, we’ve become over-optimizers. And for good reason: 10 years ago it was a big effort to find “the best” of any category. 20+ years ago, the only way to find the best of anything was to ask a friend, watch TV, or read something written in one of those newspaper (or magazine) things. 10,000+ years ago, who knew how you found the best of anything. You were probably just trying to not get eaten by a sabertooth tiger.

I feel like we were on to something great with piQul, and it’s a shame it never materialized. But hey, it ended up coming back around over a decade later. I’d say piQul has done the best it could do as a fledgling idea.

The next time you’re trying to find “the best” of something, get a bit more specific and look for the answer that solves the actual pickle you’re in.

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Oh, and if you were dying to know, here’s the desk microphone setup I ended up going with: It’s the RODE Broadcaster powered by the Blue Icicle, nested in the RODE SM2 Shock Mount and sitting atop the Samson Mic Stand.

Break Out of the 40-Hour Work Week, The Working To Live Framework

May 20, 2017

Do you constantly find yourself wishing you had more hours in the day?

Do you feel like you have very little extra time to spend with family and friends?

Are you running your own business, but feel like your business is actually running you?

What if you stopped letting your business dictate your lifestyle, and instead put a plan in place to put your life first?

Or a plan to put your family first? Or a plan to help you stop focusing on when the next chunk of money might come in, and instead feel like you have a predictable and sustainable income?

When I set out on my entrepreneurial journey in 2007, it was all sunshine and rainbows. I wore sweatpants every day. I had some money saved up that felt like a nice cushion. I even had a business idea that took off (IWearYourShirt).

But then, an unfortunate chain of events occurred:

• I went from working 9-5 to 9-9
• I never had weekends off
• I never felt like I could take a break
• I was stressed to the max
• I gained weight
• I had more expenses than I’d ever had before
• I never had time for friends and family

My life was completely out of balance. To say the rainbows and sunshine disappeared would be an understatement.

The reason everything was out of balance was that I put my business first. I didn’t define the type of lifestyle I wanted. I just assumed a great life would come with a thriving business.

Boy oh boy, was I wrong!

When you don’t start with a plan to control your own business, it will control you.

I know what it’s like to start your own business and feel completely out of control. Your time, your income, or even your decisions (to some degree) feel like a total mess.

My wife, Caroline, has felt the same way.

(Caroline in her natural habitat.) 

In 2014, when Caroline started Made Vibrant, it was a generic graphic design company. Not generic in the way it looked or was represented (obviously, Caroline is amazing), but in that she didn’t have a core offering or a concrete plan for how she should run her business.

Through some hard conversations, we were able to figure out:

1. The hours that Caroline actually wanted to be working.
2. What work she really wanted to be doing.
3. What her prices and product offerings should be.
4. What bare-bones expenses she had to cover in her business.

When we got to the other side of those conversations, we realized something crazy: she’d been overworking herself to reach someone else’s idea of success. She didn’t have to work nearly as hard as she thought she did. She’d been doing the same things I had been doing with IWearYourShirt, and we’d both gotten ourselves out of alignment. All because we’d put our business goals ahead of our life goals.

 

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The Working To Live Framework Challenges The Conventional 40-Hour Work Week

We believe that the way things have always been done is NOT the way things have to be done. Our Working To Live framework isn’t a pie-in-the-sky idea, it’s how we’ve lived our lives and run our businesses for many years.

Let’s take a quick look the “standard” 40-hour work week…

The 40-hour work week, as we know it today, is actually the result of labor laws passed in the 1940s. Prior to that, assembly-line workers often put in 100 hours per week (or more!) at their jobs, and union reps decided that was ridiculous. They fought long and hard to mandate fewer working hours, and they succeeded…kind of. While the concept of a 40-hour work week was great for factory workers, it isn’t a solution that should be applied to the myriad of jobs people have in the 21st century.

These days, we aren’t even working 40-hour weeks, most of us are doubling that (if not way more!)

Far too many entrepreneurs are back to putting in 100-hour workweeks and calling it “hustle.” It’s not hustle. It’s outdated. And if you’ve ever read The 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss, you might agree that even 40 hours is too much these days.

It’s never been easier or faster to start your own business, so why are we still adhering to a century-old way of thinking about running our businesses?

We have four action steps to shift your thinking from living to work, to working to live.

Working To Live Action Step #1: Identify your life metrics and schedule them before work

Before we design a business around the life you want, we have to get really specific about what that life looks like.

Questions to ask to start identifying your ideal life:

1. How many hours a week do you *really* want to be working?
2. What headaches are you tired of re-living over and over?
3. What do you never make time for that you’re tired of neglecting?
4. What are you always wishing you had more of in your days?
5. What are the things you value most?
6. What activities bring you the most joy and peace?

I want to challenge you to break down everything you know or expect from “normal” work hours and work days. Remember: YOU get to make the rules.

Here’s an example of how my wife and I break the 9-5 norms and schedule our weeks around our ideal life metrics:

• We see movies in the middle of the week, usually on Mondays
• #FreeYourMindFridays (no work on Fridays. Instead, we get outside and explore.)
• Summer sabbatical (taking 4-6 weeks completely off work )
• We prioritize exercise and white-space time (time doing nothing)
• Taking off the entire month of December
• No calls on Mondays or Fridays

We wrote down the things we wanted and then we worked to have them fit into our lives. It didn’t happen overnight, but without actually committing to making changes, it never would have happened.

ACTION ITEM: I don’t want you to read this article and not work toward making a positive change. It’s time to write down your life non-negotiables and nice-to-haves. Then, up next you’ll learn how to block off time on your weekly calendar, starting with your life (FIRST!).

As an example week, my wife Caroline wrote down these life metrics:

• Non-negotiable: Work out at least three times a week
• Non-negotiable: Time to create in my studio
• Nice-to-have: Daily time for white space (aka “recess”)
• Nice-to-have: Dedicated time for “adulting” (aka “life”)

Then, she blocked them off FIRST on her calendar:

After her life was scheduled, she THEN added her work blocks to her calendar:

You’ll notice her work hours add up to a 26-hour workweek. Sorry Tim Ferriss, we’re go-getters around here. Joking aside, this is a fairly standard workweek for Caroline. Yes, it does change from time to time, just as life changes. But the point is to set the intention each week to focus on LIFE first, then work.

Action Step #2: Break your life metrics down into measurable goals

The way we measure things matters. What we measure = the way we define success.

Are you ONLY measuring money? If you are, you’re conditioning your mind and heart to live or die based on your bank account. Spoiler alert: this is a recipe for never being satisfied.

Instead of thinking about monetary business metrics first, how about thinking of life metrics like these:

• Number of hours you actually work?
• Date nights you have with your spouse?
• Trips you take?
• Hobbies you pick up?
• Saturdays you spend away from a screen?
• Getting married on a random Tuesday?
• Fitness goals?

Let’s bring my wife back into the mix and and show you how she created a practical exercise to write out her life metrics and then reflect on them.

Here’s the practical life metrics chart you can use:

Here’s Caroline’s life metrics chart filled in (honestly, which is important!):

Alrighty, this is all well and good. Now that we know what a good life looks like (our life metrics), and how to measure it, let’s talk about MONEY. More specifically: Using money as a TOOL.

Action Step #3: Come up with your “MMM” Number (Minimum Monthly Magic Number)

You may feel the financial crunch of money on a monthly, weekly, or even daily basis. My wife and I felt this exact same way a few years ago. Until we realized we needed a Minimum Monthly Magic (MMM) number.

How do you define your MMM number?

Identify the LEAST amount of money you need to get your Life Metrics where you want them.

There are two questions that can really help during the MMM number discovery process:

1. How much money are you REALLY spending right now?
2. Where are you willing to make SACRIFICES to lower that number?

Here is our MMM number formula:

Monthly living expenses
+ Monthly business expenses
+ Paying off debt
+ Peace of mind cushion
= Your MMM number

I’m bringing Caroline back into the mix because we’ve been using her as a guinea pig, so why stop now??

As you can see, Caroline’s MMM number was $3,000. That number may be high or low for you. The number is only important as a measuring stick to achieving the life you actually want. The MMM number will change over time and may change within the next few months. That’s okay!

One of the major problems we encountered when we were struggling financially was that it was hard to see how much money we were actually spending on a monthly basis. Banks and credit cards show you a list of transactions, but a list can be very difficult to apply to your entire monthly financial situation (aka budget).

If you want some further reading on how we found thousands of extra dollars every year that we could save by making small sacrifices, read our getting out of debt guide. The tip about setting a weekly budget meeting (in that article) may also be extremely helpful for you, as it has been for us.

Action Step #4: Break down the exact changes you need to make in your life and business

Where are you NOW vs where you WANT to be? What’s the gap? How do you make up the gap? Example: $3,000 (your ideal MMM) – $1,000 (current MMM) = $2,000 (MMM gap)

We have three strategies you can use to make up the MMM gap:

Strategy #1 Your product: Charge more per hour, raise prices, look for efficiencies. This is the place you should ABSOLUTELY start. It may not be the sexy and exciting place to start, but it doesn’t require reinventing any wheels. It requires only being willing to make your existing wheel(s) more efficient.

Strategy #2 Your marketing: Get more projects, more customers, new audiences. If you feel your product is on-point, then it may be time for marketing. Marketing tip #1: Marketing is not one tweet, one Facebook post, or one email. Marketing looks a lot like continual effort. Marketing tip #2: Specialize/narrow your offering, and you’ll actually create more opportunities (ex: don’t call yourself a designer, call yourself a designer who focuses on branding).

Strategy #3 New revenue streams. This is the shiny object in the mix. If you’ve exhausted your existing product(s) and your existing marketing for those product(s), it may be time to create/offer something new.

Here’s a handy-dandy decision tree to help you decide which strategy you should work on to help you make up your MMM gap.

Everyone always wants to START with “new revenue stream,” but that’s the hardest thing. You’re starting from scratch.

Caroline created this chart to help figure out exactly how to fill the MMM gap using the three strategies and then applying specific tactics to make those strategies actually happen.

Here’s a look at the strategies, or the overarching structure she would use to reach her goals:

And then here’s a look at the tactics that she would use to implement those strategies:

I won’t bore you with the long-winded story of how it all worked out, but let’s just say that Caroline was able to go from making ~$1,000 per month to over $3,000 per month in just six months using these exact strategies and tactics. Yes, that is absolutely all the time it took for her to hit her MMM number. And spoiler alert: since that time (two years ago), Caroline has tripled her annual revenue!

Remember your business is the means to get the LIFE you want. Life metrics are the goal, business metrics are how you get there.

 

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Having The Life You Want Isn’t Going To Happen By Accident

If you’re completely happy with your life and business, then you can move on from this article and continue working to live.

But if you’re not happy with your life and business, it’s time to take action. It’s time to look through the four action steps and put in the work I’ve outlined here.

This isn’t a get-rich-quick solution. You will have to make sacrifices You will have to put in some hard work. If you aren’t willing to break your bad habits you’ve picked up over the years, how can you ever expect anything to change?

The best way to find hidden money you can save right now is to list out EVERY expense you have (line by line) in one spreadsheet. Once you have that list, you’ll find places where you can make sacrifices.

Getting the life you want typically has to do with money and time. Let’s look at both and how you can make sacrifices with each.

Money: Here’s what we found when we made a list of all our expenses and took a hard look at trimming back (in the short term):

• Eating less meals out: saved us $1,000/month
• Calling credit card companies to reduce monthly APR: saved us $400/month
• Not doing any unnecessary shopping: saved us $300/month
• Reducing our phone bill by calling AT&T: saved us $100/month
• Cutting cable: saved us $100/month
• Stopping business product subscriptions: saved us $250/month
• TOTAL SAVINGS: $2,150* every month!

*Your number may not be close to this, or it may be higher. No matter what, find YOUR amount of money you can save each month by making a few sacrifices.

Time: Here’s how we found more hours we could spend enjoying our lives (or using for Action Step #4 above):

• Limiting social media to twice per day: saved us 3 hours
• Limiting Netflix to two hours at night: saved us 2 hours
• Limiting time reading articles/emails: saved us 1 hour
• Limiting time spent using iPhone: saved us 1 hour
• TOTAL SAVINGS: 8 hours PER DAY!*

*That’s an extra 240 hours each month! These numbers might shock you and they shocked us too. Start keeping track of your time spent in a journal or through an app like RescueTime. 

Did you catch that? We literally save ourselves an entire 40-hour work week just in “wasted” hours. We could each work an extra full-time job with those hours! (Or not. That’s the whole point.)

People don’t focus on this stuff enough (I know we didn’t!). As business owners, we’re always telling people what’s possible, but we often forget to share what it takes to get there. We had to give up A LOT in the short-term to experience the life that we now have.

What are you willing to trade to get the life you want?

These aren’t forever changes. The things you sacrifice now are simply a way for you to accelerate your journey toward having the life and business you want.

The problem is that so many people don’t want to give things up, so they settle for tiny pieces of the life they want in the present instead of buckling down and making sacrifices in the short term to experience the WHOLE of the life they want in the longer term.

As a final note, I really want to distinguish between the short-term pain of budgeting and sacrificing to achieve your ideal lifestyle (which I advocate), and the so-called short-term pain of working crazy hours now so you can become a millionaire in a few years (which I have done, and do NOT advocate). Not all sacrifices are the same. Your life and time are as important right now as they will be when/if you reach some random IPO goal in the future, so please consider your whole life when making decisions about where to spend your time and money.

We’ve given you the exercises. We’ve talked about the theory of Working To Live. But now it’s up to you.

Are you going to put in the time it takes to have the life you dream about?

Are you going to embrace the short-term pain to achieve the long-term gain?

If you’re working your ass off right now and wondering when you’ll finally be able to come up for air, let me leave you with this one question:

What is it all for, anyway?

Honestly? What’s the point of all the blood, sweat, and tears — the launches, the clients, the hustle, the risks — if not to architect a life filled with all the things you’ve always wanted?

How Will People Describe You When You Die?

April 23, 2017

One hundred years ago when you died, your friends and family were left with only their memories of you and maybe a handful of physical reminders. Your off-the-cuff opinions and thoughts didn’t have much longevity in the world. Even if you’d written them down, it would’ve been hard for you to control your reputation posthumously.

Today, everything is different: Thanks to the internet, we have an unbelievable amount of power in controlling how we are remembered.

So, here’s a question for you…

If you died tomorrow, would you be remembered for what you want to be remembered for?

Think about that seriously for a moment.

While I don’t expect you to read this article and then go share every thought and opinion you’ve ever had online, I wonder if this will change your perspective on what you’ll post next on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. I wonder if it’ll make you think twice about the next negative or pessimistic thing you want to share.

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When you die, what legacy will you leave?

Your reputation is everything. It’s also the only thing you’re in complete control of. My great grandfather had a quote that I’ll never forget:

“There’s one thing in this world that you can’t buy or sell. That’s your reputation. You build it, you own it, you maintain it.”

We live in a time when you can completely control how people view you and what they think of you. A hundred years ago, that only happened through word of mouth—which, as powerful as it is, can be very difficult to make changes to. Nowadays you can put out a string of tweets or write a blog post, and people can change their perception of you or your business in a moment.

Now’s the time to invest in how you’ll be remembered.

You definitely don’t have to wait until you or your business are in crisis to begin managing your online reputation. There are so many things you can do to lay the groundwork for a meaningful legacy.

Have you been thinking about doing something charitable? Don’t wait a moment longer. Find an organization or cause that needs exposure and that aligns with your personal and/or professional goals. Use your platform (no matter the size) to help others.

Have you been dreaming of putting a big project, or business out into the world? Share that sucker on every channel you have! Now’s the time.

Do you have an idea or story to share? Something you want the world to know or understand about you? Share it—how else will we ever find out? If you die tomorrow without sharing your idea, that idea gets buried in the ground with you (or whatever your preference is).

Don’t leave behind a legacy you don’t want. Create the legacy you want to be known for when you die.

We don’t know if dead people have regrets, but we certainly know that, as we get older, we start to regret not doing things. When it comes to the internet, we may regret not having left any evidence of the things we believe in, stand for, and support. And I’m certainly not talking about your thoughts on the next political candidate or if you’re offended by GMO avocados.

The Obstacle Is The Way

January 15, 2017

There’s no doubt in my mind that reading “The Obstacle Is The Way” will change the way you think and live.

Speaking in absolutes is one of my least favorite things. It’s something I try not to do in my own life, and it can cause me cringe-worthy feelings when other people do it.

I get it. Most people don’t actually mean it when they speak in absolutes. But it’s something that drives me nuts because absolutes stretch the reality of the situation. Things aren’t usually as cut and dry and people make them out to be, and absolutes make us lose perspective on what’s actually happening.

That said, I can unequivocally state with absolute fact that the most important book I’ve ever read is Ryan Holiday’s The Obstacle Is the Way.

This book, unlike any in the Harry Potter series (ahh, who am I kidding—I haven’t read more than a handful of pages in any of those books), has changed my life. The Obstacle Is the Way has made me a better person. And it has definitely made me a better business owner.

The Obstacle is the Way introduced me to stoicism.

Google tells me the definition of stoicism is: The endurance of pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint.

I want to be clear that I haven’t become an emotionless robot because I read this book. The author, Ryan Holiday, walks you through stories of stoicism as they relate to business owners, the über-successful, and war heroes—they weren’t emotionless robots, either. And I didn’t have interest in becoming more like any of the people in the book as much as I wanted to overcome a big obstacle in my life that was holding me back: Thinking of my IWearYourShirt business as a failure.

When you do something for five years and pour your heart, soul, and nearly every waking hour into it, it’s not an easy thing to detach from. It becomes especially more difficult to detach from the negative thoughts and memories. After hanging up my final t-shirt in 2013, a dark cloud hovered over any thought or discussion involving my IWearYourShirt business. Sure, the business had generated over $1,200,000 during its 5-year tenure, but I didn’t have any of that money left; in fact, I was over $100,000 in debt (which we got out of last year!). I didn’t even like to bring up money in conversations about IWearYourShirt because I felt such shame about the financial situation I (and really, the business) had gotten into. This was the obstacle that I wanted to find my way over.

About a third of the way through The Obstacle is the Way, I started to see the light. I could begin to understand that having this unfortunate ending to the story of IWearYourShirt was not what defined the business, idea, and five years of my life. That ending was simply a stepping stone. Sure, it was a stepping stone that stepped on ME at times, leaving me hurt and stressed out.

But it wasn’t the final stepping stone. In fact, it was actually a very important piece of my entrepreneurial journey. In Ryan’s words:

“Just because your mind tells you that something is awful or evil or unplanned or otherwise negative doesn’t mean you have to agree. Just because other people say that something is hopeless or crazy or broken to pieces doesn’t mean it is. We decide what story to tell ourselves.”

And here’s another quote that hit me at exactly the right place and time:

“The obstacle in the path becomes the path. Never forget, within every obstacle is an opportunity to improve our condition.”

 

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Why the obstacle IS the way

When an obstacle hits, it’s like standing at the foot of Mount Everest. How will we climb this insurmountable obstacle? How will we navigate all the unknown parts? How will we survive if Games of Thrones ever comes to an end???

For me, and for my IWearYourShirt business, I realized something that completely shifted my outlook on the ill-fated closing of that shirt wearing business: The shutting of IWearYourShirt opened doors to new ideas. The longer IWearYourShirt stayed open, the longer I’d have to wait to pursue other things.

Now, was I brimming with ideas? Was my brain overflowing with concepts and dreams I couldn’t wait to try out? Not really. On the contrary. IWearYourShirt, and the downturn of it, actually zapped me of most of my creative thoughts and aspirations. What started as an endless supply of creativity in 2009 ended in 2013 with what felt like nowhere to turn.

I thought the only option was to continue to iterate (insert industry buzzword bingo: pivot) my IWearYourShirt business again and again until something hit. And while that actually could have been a possibility, to land on another direction for that business, the more time I spent holding onto it, the more time I wasted allowing other possibilities to show up in my life. A big part of me was just ready to move on and challenge my brain to come up with another idea like IWearYourShirt.

Could I could up with another truly original/unique/different idea? Or was I a one-hit wonder?

Finishing The Obstacle Is The Way gave me new perspective on what has happened for me between 2013 and now. And while it wasn’t an overnight shift in that perspective, it was actually much quicker than I thought. Sure, I was also having many-a-DM (deep and meaningful) conversation with my life partner, Caroline. That helped as well. But as we all know, even the people closest to us can give us the best advice, but when the advice comes from a credible outside source, like a book, we take it and are much quicker to accept it. What this book helped me learn to do was repeat these things to myself:

• IWearYourShirt was not a complete failure.
• You, Jason, are not a complete failure.
• You, Jason, are not just IWearYourShirt.
• You, Jason, can come up with more ideas and will go on to do other things.
• You, Jason, could always just get a job at Target or Starbucks, and figure out a way to get by in life.
• You, Jason, could always move home, suck it up for a bit, and remember that nothing is permanent.
• You, Jason, need to stop talking to yourself in third person. It’s freaking people out.

How this book made me a better person…

It sounds silly, but Ryan’s book gave me the permission I needed to be more accepting of myself and the mistakes I’ve made. More importantly, it also gave me story after story and example after example of people who had screwed up WAY worse than I had and made huge comebacks from it.

Unfortunately, I have to drop another absolute on you. Ugh, I’m such a rule-breaker of my own rules. Writing my first book, Creativity For Sale, was the most cathartic thing I’ve done. With the help of my amazing book editor, Lizzie, I was able to let go of a lot of mental baggage. The reason that book got written and the subsequent catharsis happened was that IWearYourShirt failed. Had it kept going, I would have kept going. I would not have gone through the exercise of writing a book and hosting my own personal mental gymnastics.

The obstacle of shutting down IWearYourShirt was the stepping stone to writing a book. And writing a book opened me up as a person. That allowed me to move on and let go of a bunch of stuff I was holding inside. While IWearYourShirt was one big stepping stone towards writing my first book, it’s all the stories about building IWearYourShirt that were the tiny stepping stones that advanced me further and further across the river that is life.

How it made me a better entrepreneur and business owner…

A year prior to shutting down IWearYourShirt, I had another obstacle get in the way. My mom went through a divorce, and it left me (and her!) with a last name we no longer wanted. This obstacle, having a last name that didn’t define who I wanted to be, sparked the idea for my BuyMyLastName project: a crazy idea to auction off my last name to the highest bidder in a 30-day auction. That project (I did two auctions in two years) netted me nearly $100,000. I was able to creatively overcome an obstacle in my life, make money from it, and also donate a sizable portion of that money to charitable organizations.

Selling my last name and writing my book were the stepping stones to leaving IWearYourShirt behind and believing I had more to offer the world. I began to believe I could come up with other unique ideas and they wouldn’t all end like IWearYourShirt did. So I set out to create my first online course in 2013, I searched high and low and couldn’t find a course platform that suited my needs. Everything was either too bloated with features, too difficult to set up, or worst of all, forced me to have a website plugin or house my course within a branded platform. This was my course-creation obstacle. I knew I could create the content. I knew I could sell the course. The obstacle was finding a platform that was technology agnostic (meaning: wasn’t forced into an existing ecosystem) and that would be easy to use over and over again. Stumbling into that obstacle was what led to the creation of Teachery, an online course platform I co-own with my friend Gerlando Piro. That initial obstacle has gone on to create a side business for me that pays my bills and provides an incredibly easy-to-use course creation platform for anyone in the world (at a very affordable monthly price, I might add).

I can look at every business I’ve created and clearly see an obstacle that led to the beginning of each. Some problem. Some issue. Some event that could be solved with a new business idea.

 

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What obstacle is standing in your way?

You, most likely, are staring an obstacle in the face right now. It may not be one as insurmountable as standing at the foot of Mount Everest (I think we’re both thankful for that!) But I’m guessing something has happened in your life or business that you feel you can’t get past. Something that’s holding you back and keeping you from moving forward to the next stepping stone.

How can you change your perspective your obstacles?

Your website went down on launch day?

Truly a bummer. I’ve been there (many times). Can you use it as a teaching moment for anyone who looks up to you for inspiration? Can you use it as a moment to reward your loyal customers and extend some offer to them that wouldn’t have existed? Can you learn from the experience if you have the right customers for your business (ones that don’t scurry like roaches when the lights get turned on at the sight of any problems with your business)?

You end a long-term relationship?

Also truly a bummer and one I’ve experienced, too. Does this open the doors for you to find someone who is better suited for the person you’ve become? Does this allow your former partner to do the same thing (find someone they are a better match for)? Does it create the opportunity for both of you to live happier and healthier lives?

You close down a business that isn’t doing well?

I don’t even think I need to say much else here. Won’t closing down this business open the doors of opportunity that have been closed? (The answer is yes, and I can obviously attest to that.)

Obstacles suck. They are not fun.

They are not ice cream cones covered in fudge and sprinkles. They are plates of steamed broccoli. They are the difficult decisions we must make in our lives. They are the important decisions hiding behind awful events and circumstances. When you’re in the middle of dealing with an obstacle, it will feel like climbing Mount Everest. And even though you and I will probably never know that exact feeling, we can sure as hell take a wild guess at how difficult it would be.

Like climbing Everest, you overcome obstacles step by step (or stepping stone by stepping stone). You put one foot in front of the other. You swing your pickaxe into the next piece of frozen mountain, and you move forward. Eventually you reach whatever summit of your version of Mount Everest that will make the difference for you. Then, you get to look back on it. You get to see your life and all the new opportunities in front of you with more clarity, because you’ve overcome a difficult obstacle.

There will always be more obstacles.

But as Holiday talks about in his book, and as stoicism teaches, if you can endure the pain and hardship, and see it for exactly that, you can take a step back and not let it affect you.

With every new obstacle that comes your way, you have the reflection of previously overcome obstacles to guide you. To have you take a deep breath. To have you take a step back. To have you realize today isn’t “the worst day ever.”

Do yourself a favor and grab your own copy of The Obstacle Is the Way.

Make Lasting Change By Turning Off Autopilot

July 26, 2016

It’s impossible to make a lasting change when we’re operating on autopilot.

Whether it’s something as small as a habit that we want to get rid of, an old limiting belief that we need to confront, or even something much more dire like depression or suicidal thoughts (something that a handful of people at any given one of his events is struggling with), our patterns act like an endless cycle of emotional cement that keeps us stuck where we are.

In order to break free of that cement, we have to break those patterns. In order to break those patterns, we have to change our state.

“It’s impossible to make a lasting change when we’re operating on autopilot.”

How many times have you experienced a perspective shift because of a trip you took or an immersive experience you had? The time away from the comfort of your patterns and routines can facilitate that.

I started thinking about just how many aspects of life can sometimes start to feel like they’re on autopilot.

• Relationships. It can be so easy to fall into certain roles in any relationship which can create mental patterns that have you replaying the same conflicts over and over again. Does one person always do X and the other always does Y? Why not switch up the roles for a while in order to break the pattern.
• Health. Unhealthy habits are probably one of the hardest things to break once they’re on autopilot. When I was working my old job at an ad agency, I would have a Diet Coke every day at 3pm just to pump up my energy and make it through to the end of the day. Most days I didn’t even want it or need it but it became a part of my daily work routine and so I was convinced I could never give up soda. (That is until I no longer worked at that office with a vending machine, and now I no longer drink soda of any kind.)
• Work. Do you find yourself having the same feelings week after week when it comes to your work — Sunday night dread, Monday morning drag, Friday afternoon freedom? Do you feel like you complete the same basic tasks over and over? Do you listen to the same music, work from the same desk, answer emails at the same time, etc.? If so, it’s possible that you’re starting to feel numb when it comes to your work and may not be enjoying it as much as you could. How could you snap out of this habitual groove and bring new life to your work?

Don’t get me wrong, habits and routines are immensely helpful when they make a positive impact on our daily lives. We can use our mind’s autopilot function to our benefit by programming it to do all sorts of helpful things (work out, meditate, tidy up, etc.)

BUT we also need to be aware of which automated behaviors are keeping us stuck in our ways and preventing us from evolving into better, brighter versions of ourselves.

Our autopilot culture is actually where we need to place our skepticism. We need to question WHY we settle for certain things or why we accept certain stories that we tell ourselves.

We need to snap ourselves out of the way things have always been so that we can awaken ourselves to the way things COULD be.

I challenge you to turn off autopilot.

Pick three aspects of your life that you are feeling numb to or limited by, and then find a way to break the normal cycle of your routine.

It could be relationships, work, health, finances, hobbies, parenting, spirituality, your home, etc.

Let’s break whatever patterns are holding us back and start living life fully in control. Let’s de-hypnotize ourselves and wake up to possibility.

Finding The Flow in Slow: 8 Lessons Learned from Slowing Down in My Business

July 11, 2016

Today marks the end of my “summer sabbatical” — a five-week period in which I took a break from my regularly scheduled weekly newsletter, a Monday missive I’ve been sending for almost 120 weeks straight.

The decision to take this time off started back in the beginning of May when I began really exploring the idea of why we continue to thirst for MORE everything as humans and entrepreneurs. These questions ignited in me a desire to focus less on how to grow bigger as a business and more on how to grow TRUER as a business.

• What did I REALLY want Made Vibrant to be about?
• What parts of my business do I love and what parts do I want to eliminate?
• What am I doing for love and what am I doing for money?
• What do I define as ‘enough’ (enough money, enough subscribers, enough success?)

Pondering all of this led to the realization that since the inception of my business in 2014, I’d never actually taken a real break.

I have worked most weekends and on most vacations, and even the occasional few days away never felt like a true separation. Part of this, yes, was because I truly LOVE my work. But once I got honest with myself, I realized it was also because I was afraid of losing momentum.

Every time I had an idea for a product or project, I usually slapped on some unfathomable self-imposed deadline, worried that any kind of delay might result in missed opportunities.

Once I realized this, it became clear that I not only needed a break to confront this fear, but I also needed to challenge myself to take a much SLOWER approach to building and releasin projects long-term.

My solution was the five-week break from my newsletter, but it also included intentionally pushing back a website re-launch by a whopping two months (more on that later.)

I’m now happy to report that over the past two and a half months, I’ve discovered more presence, more fullness, and more VIBRANCE than any other time in my life.

What I’ve discovered is that in taking a slower (almost painfully slower) approach, it has given me the breathing room to let my authentic creativity rise to the surface. I feel more in control of my decisions and true feelings than ever before.

Now that I’m re-emerging from my hiatus and kicking the newsletter back up again, I wanted to share with you guys eight lessons I’ve learned these past five weeks away, and why I think there is a tremendous benefit to baking WAY more down-time into your business (and life).

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8 Lessons Learned from Slowing Down in My Business

1. Time & space are like oxygen for inspiration.

Have you ever tried to write something under deadline and found yourself staring at a blank page feeling literally incapable of forming sentences much less communicating something of worth?

On the other hand, with the pressure off and singing Taylor Swift in the shower, have you ever been surprised to find thoughts flying through your head at warp speed and thought to yourself,“Wait! I need to write this down!”

So why the heck is that?!

Well, when we feel under pressure to make something happen in a specific timeframe, many times we can end up smothering our inner muse.

Our hearts need space to wander freely and our minds need time to form meaningful connections that spark creativity.

During my hiatus, I found that the more time I spent away from my work (resting, walking, getting sunshine, etc.), the more I was able to let my ideas simmer and stew together to form beautiful new flavors.

MY TAKEAWAY: DON’T SUFFOCATE YOUR CREATIVITY BY ALWAYS TRYING TO PUT IT UNDER DEADLINE. TIME AND SPACE ARE LIKE OXYGEN TO INSPIRATION.

“Time and space are like oxygen to inspiration.”

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2. Play is essential.

Speaking of more time and space, once I finally gave myself more of both, I realized I also had the ability to take on things that weren’t on my to-do list.

I had time to experiment in my art journal, mess around with new design treatments in Photoshop and make up stupid songs in my head (don’t worry, not dropping an album any time soon slash EVER).

In other words, I let myself PLAY.

When you’re under a strict pace, it can feel like there’s never any time for nonsense or experimentation or frivolous creativity. And yet nonsense is what can actually lead to a freer spirit and surprising new discoveries.

I learned for myself what Greg McKeown says in his book Essentialism:

“When we play, we are engaged in the purest expression of our humanity, the truest expression of our individuality.” — Greg McKeown

During this break I discovered that play is, in fact, essential.

Play brought my life more laughter (and less anxiety), more surprising ideas, new branding and website design treatments, and new art processes — all because I allowed myself to create for the joy of creating.

MY TAKEAWAY: PLAY IS ESSENTIAL TO CREATIVITY AND SLOWING THINGS DOWN MAKES ROOM FOR PLAY!

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3. The greatest form of renewable fuel is authenticity.

I’ll admit that part of my fatigue at the beginning of May was the feeling that I was always just trying to keep up with the Jones’s in the entrepreneurial sense. Here’s how my thoughts would go:

• “So-and-so launched a podcast /  Should I launch a podcast?”
• “Higher priced courses are making this person six figures / Should I be doing that?”
• “Here’s a thingy about funnels / Should I go back through and optimize all my blog posts for conversion?”

Ew, right?!

Despite being aware that it’s never a good sign when “shoulds” pop up in my head, I still found myself sinking into the slippery quicksand of comparison. And it left me feeling constantly exhausted.

This break has taught me, though, that defining my own pace also helps me solidify my own voice.

Removed from the constant stream of consumption and trying to keep up with everyone around me, instead I can focus on moving forward based on what I feel most connected to, what feels most authentic TO ME. And the result is that instead of feeling exhausted, I feel completely energized like I’m finally hitting a stride that is 100% dictated by ME.

In Connecting With Your Core, I talk about the fact that when you are truly aligned with your core self, you discover a form of renewable energy — like a turbine that is always refueling — rather than a tank that can often feel empty and depleted. Slowing down reminded me of this fact as I was able to feel it first-hand.

MY TAKEAWAY: WHEN YOU STEP AWAY FROM THE NOISE, YOU FEEL ENERGIZED BY YOUR OWN AUTHENTIC VOICE.

“When you step away from the noise, you feel energized by your own authentic voice.”

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4. Clarity can’t be rushed.

Originally, when I had my mini-epiphany in early May, I had planned a website redesign for early June to reflect an idea for where I thought I wanted to steer Made Vibrant moving into later this year and next.

But, at the wise suggestion of my partner Jason (who is currently taking his own break this summer away from social media), I pushed the launch back, first to August and now to September (?), which seemed like a CRAZY amount of time to wait. So much time that I might have had a panic attack before this summer.

But now? Now I’m SO glad I gave myself the extra time because what the site and vision has evolved into over the course of MANY weeks feels much closer to what I really want.

If I had rushed things, I might not have arrived at the clarity I needed to make it truly aligned with my goals and values moving forward long-term.

MY TAKEAWAY: WE ARRIVE AT CLARITY WHEN WE HAVE TIME TO FULLY EXPLORE OUR VALUES AND DECISION-MAKING.

“We arrive at clarity when we have time to fully explore our values & decision-making.”

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5. Challenge the belief that it will all fall apart.

As I talked about in this post, I had this deep belief that if I took a break with my business things would start to fall apart.

I’m such a big believer in consistency, and a part of me was convinced that if I wasn’t putting out consistent newsletters, people would forget about me and forget about Made Vibrant. (Okay, typing it now it sounds really silly.)

I knew it was important for me to actually challenge this belief and prove to myself that it was just a story I was making up.

What I discovered is that if you’re putting out work that you believe in — work that truly resonates with people — that kind of emotional connection can’t be broken overnight. In fact, if you’ve attracted the right people in your business (people whose values align with yours), they’ll often respect you more for taking time away.

Did I lose some email subscribers while I was away? Sure. Did some jump ship to discover a new favorite blog? Probably.

But, YOU are here and that’s who I care about. And everything clearly did not fall apart. In fact, I think the slow-down was crucial from a business perspective so I could see that even when I was taking a more laid-back approach, the business was still making a consistent base revenue each month.

This ACTUAL real-life experience (vs. the old story I made up in my head) will definitely help alleviate any lingering financial anxiety that I have to keep things at a faster pace.

MY TAKEAWAY: IT’S ONE THING TO WONDER IF YOU’VE BUILT A BUSINESS THAT CAN LAST; IT’S ANOTHER THING TO SEE IT FOR YOURSELF.

“It’s one thing to wonder if you’ve built a business that can last; it’s another thing to see it for yourself.”

6. Distance allows you to see the big picture.

When you’re moving at the speed of light, not only can everything start to look a bit blurry, but everything feels like it’s being held up right to your face. When you’re entrenched in trying to burn through your to-do list as fast as possible, it’s hard to find the time to ponder what all you’re trying to accomplish.

The more days and weeks went by, the more elevated I began to feel — like I was staring at my business from 20,000 feet. That distance allowed me to see the big picture in a whole new way, and now I feel much more aware of how every single tactic and to-do fits into my higher purpose.

MY TAKEAWAY: IT’S HARD TO SEE THE BIG PICTURE WHEN IT’S RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE.

“It’s hard to see the big picture when it’s right under your nose.”

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7. We have to untangle our work from our worth.

This is probably one of the most profound benefits I’ll walk away with from this break. I think most entrepreneurs to some degree feel that they are a direct reflection of their business. Business success = personal success.

But, this is a very dangerous belief because if that is the case, the second that a product flops or a sales dip occurs, we can start to feel negative emotional effects from those “failures.”

Honestly I think that’s what the whole work/life pendulum is really about — reminding ourselves that while work can fill our lives with meaning and purpose, the worth of our lives is an unconditional precept.

Meditating on this new view and actually LIVING it these past few weeks has helped me evolve to a place where I no longer hyperventilate at the idea of not opening my email on the weekend. I want to arrive at a place where soaking up the sunshine feels just as urgent as my inbox because the truth is: LIFE is what’s urgent. Work? Less so.

MY TAKEAWAY: YOUR WORTH IS NOT DEPENDENT ON THE PERFORMANCE OF YOUR WORK.

“Your worth is not dependent on the performance of your work.”

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8. When we slow down we can feel the flow.

Ah yes, “flow.” That beautiful state of being when the world melts away and we lose all sense of obligation or worry or doing and instead lean into a joyful and immersive experience of being. Can you remember the last time you felt this way?

For me, it was yesterday. And a few days before that. And all summer long. Why? Because I allowed myself to slow down long enough to settle into it. When we stop trying to run so fast toward a moving target, that’s when we’re actually able to feel and use the energy within us and around us.

MY TAKEAWAY: TO RECEIVE THE SLOW FLOW OF BEING, WE HAVE TO LET GO OF THE RAPID PACE OF DOING.

“To receive the slow flow of BEING, we have to let go of the rapid pace of DOING.”

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Now, I’m not saying that any of this was easy at first. The first week when I didn’t hit send on a Monday morning email, I was anxious all day. Seeing no new blog posts pop up in my blog feed this summer made me feel strange, like something was missing. But I had to wade through the discomfort in order to remind myself that a sustainable pace and a LASTING work/life integration is what I’m after.

I know at different times and for different people, there are always going to be seasons of rest and seasons of productivity. Honestly, I don’t know if I would have been in a place to accept all the benefits of a slower pace when my business was still new because those were the days when resources were scarce and hustle-mode felt appropriate.

Still, now I know that hustle-mode is a state of being that I’m ready to let go of. I want to fold this slower, more deliberate pace into my life and my business, and redefine what “work” could feel like for me.

I can’t promise that I won’t get all fired up in the future and enter a more turbo-charged season of making, but for now I feel I’ve discovered the incredible power in taking a break and finding a more sustainable pace.

I know now that presence is more important to me than productivity, and that is why I’ll continue to work toward this practice of intentional slow-flowtion ? in my business.

Thanks to all of you that stuck around while I was away and I can’t WAIT to share with you what’s coming in the months ahead.

Why Are We Driven By The Pursuit of More Everything?

May 9, 2016

The amount of times that I have found myself in a state of complete burnout is greater than I’d like to admit.

For the past few years, I’d find myself in these stretches of “hustle mode” only to suddenly look up and find everything around me beyond my work was being grossly neglected — my health, my friendships, my self-care.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that if you have a creative business, this is not a foreign concept to you.

Let’s face it, sometimes we creatives have a tendency to overdo it while in pursuit of our dreams.

And today it’s that PURSUIT part of the equation that I want to focus on. More specifically, why we feel constantly driven by the pursuit of MORE everything.

More money. More readers. More email subscribers. More fame. More mentions. More followers. (Mo’ problems?)

This is a question I’ve had just below the surface for over a year now, ever since I reached the point that I would call “financial sustainability” with Made Vibrant.

In my first year of business (2014), the answer to this question (“Why MORE?”) was pretty obvious:

“Ummmm… because I want to earn a living doing this thing that I love and currently I’m living on peanuts and optimism.”

But, as things started to gain momentum, as I honed my vision and my voice, and as the business started taking in monthly revenue that covered my living expenses, I expected this crazy burning desire for growth to subside.

But it didn’t.

I found myself wanting more revenue, more readers, a bigger presence beyond that which I “needed.”

Which again begged the ever-curious, ever-present question:

Why are we driven by the pursuit of MORE?

I come across blog posts and Facebook ads and sales pages and — my LEAST favorite — income reports on a daily basis that promise to show me how I can have a “$50,000 Launch Without A Single Email Subscriber” and “Grow A Six-Figure Blog From Scratch” and “Earn $100,000 A Month In Passive Income” and if I’m being totally honest, it makes me sick.

Not like sick out of judgment and disgust (I get it — people know those headlines work and they’re just taking advantage of an opportunity they see.)

No, I mean sick with GUILT that I’m not working more hours, creatingmore courses, promoting more places, doing more webinars, writing more blog posts, earning more money. More, more, more.

And you know what the inevitable fallout of feeling like you should be doing more is?

Feeling like you should BE more…

Aka feeling like you’re not enough.

Am I alone in this? OR have you felt it too?

I have trained myself now to pay attention when those feelings show up and to dive deeper to understand them because I don’t know about you, but I’m just not down for a life where I feel less than.

Which is why I went on a hunt to discover if there was any research on this subject of MORE. (I know you guys, RESEARCH. What can I say, I’m really stepping up my game here.)

What I discovered and actually what I determined (because this ain’t no scientific journal; it’s my blog and I’ll form loosely supported opinions if I want to!) is this….

The constant desire to reach for more is reinforced to us both externally (culturally/societally) and internally (psychologically).

Externally speaking, we’re fed tons of cultural cues that indicate bigger is better.

We see it in business (this company has 300 employees and a billion in revenue!); in consumerism (buy this! buy that! a bigger house, a bigger TV!); and in the individualism of the U.S. in general (it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there! climb the ladder to the top!) With all of these messages it’s no wonder that it’s engrained in us to constantly have our eye on a bigger everything.

But, culture is ultimately just an illustration of individual values and desires, so what is present within us as individuals that feeds this obsession?

Turns out, this never-ending growth mentality runs thousands of years deep.

While I won’t drone on to you about all the science of it, the simple answer is that we are programmed for dissatisfaction.

Research suggests our insatiable appetites served as an evolutionary survival mechanism. See, back in the day, precious life-giving resources like water and food were in limited supply. To survive, our brains developed hard-wiring that would help drive us to accumulate as much as possible and to stay ever-motivated to be on the lookout for said necessary resources.

In other words: our brains are still operating based on an owner’s manual written in the Stone Age.

And so we find ourselves in this endless loop of excess. Our brains tell us we want more, and our culture/media/corporations feed on that hunger, which only serves to further reinforce this psychology.

This might help explain WHY we’re programmed to constantly want more, but it doesn’t necessarily offer insight as to how we retrain our brains to find contentment in a world where we no longer have to wrestle resources from saber-toothed tigers (thank goodness.)

The truth is: bigger is NOT always better and more does not always mean merrier.

“Bigger is NOT always better and more does not always mean merrier. ”

Here’s a radical thought: I don’t WANT a million dollar business. Honestly, I don’t.

I don’t want the expectations, the maintenance, the team size, the stress, ANY of it that comes with a business of that scale.

But, even more radical than that — I don’t want to WANT a million dollar business. (And the six-figure blog posts and webinars and Facebook ads aren’t necessarily helping in that regard.)

That’s why I desperately and passionately want to change the conversation throughout the creative entrepreneur/solopreneur/independent whatever-you-call-yourself world from talking about BIGGER to talking about TRUER.

I want to change the goal from more money, more followers, more page views to truer values, truer messages, truer expressions of the unique gifts we have to share.

And I want it to start with a mental shift in the way we frame this PURSUIT.

For this shift (brace yourselves) I have DIAGRAMS. (Research AND diagrams?! I’m laying it on thick!)

Heres’ the current model that prevails in terms of the way we think about progress and pursuit: an endless staircase, always ascending (or as Jason pointed out, it’s actually not even a staircase but a StairMaster because we never ever get to the top.)

We might hop from one staircase to another Harry Potter-style, but the goal remains: ever-upward.

Now I have a suggestion for a new model — a CYCLICAL model. In this illustration, the goal is not to progress upward. It’s to progress inward. To evolve and revolve around this invisible sweet spot where we finally connect what we do with who we are at our core, which is how I define authentic and VIBRANT living.

If we can shift our pursuit from the staircase model to this cyclical model with the intention of building our businesses in a way that lines up with our truest sense of self at any given point in our lives, then I think we have a shot at creating lasting satisfaction.

So this week I challenge you with this simple but CRUCIAL question:

Are you in the pursuit of growing BIGGER or growing TRUER?

“Are you in the pursuit of growing BIGGER or growing TRUER?”

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to grow your business so that you can be financially more stable and stress-free. But just remember the intention behind the hustle.

Because I believe when the puzzle pieces click into the right place, when you are doing the work that lights you up, the work that makes you burn bright… that’s when you’ll find yourself with more than enough resources, serving the people you care deeply about and loving what you get to do each day.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading from the bottom of my heart.

Here’s to the pursuit of TRUER!

Shifting Your Mindset To Avoid Burnout

May 2, 2016

Creative burnout is that feeling of exhaustion and lack of inspiration that comes from pushing yourself too hard for too long in too many directions.

It’s that frazzled state when you feel simultaneously at a dead stand still and also like you’re a lost chicken running around with your head cut off. You know the feeling I’m describing, right?

The longer I’m in the game of running my own business, the more I’m starting to understand the patterns that emerge when it comes to burning out. In my personal experience, this feeling can come from a few different places:

• Overwhelm – Trying to do too many things at once without a clear plan of attack can leave us feeling completely paralyzed, and in turn, exhausted from trying to mentally sort and prioritize.
• Hyperfocus – Intense focus takes willpower and when you’re engaging your willpower muscles for too long without a break, it’s just like when you get a stress fracture injury from repetitive exercise — that willpower muscle needs rest.
• Boredom – As creative people, we need stimulation. When we find ourselves in the same routine loop for a while, the lack of new energy and spark can actually leave us feeling drained.
• Comparison – This is a big one and I’ve found it’s my own silver bullet route to feeling burnt out. It starts innocently enough by going down the rabbit hole of similar websites to mine but before long I’m feeling completely uninspired by my own work because I’m comparing it to so many others.

Do any of these burnout sources apply to you right now?

The first step to battling burnout is knowing where it’s coming from, so if you’ve identified it, you’re already on the right track.

But, my question for today is…

Is it possible to actually prevent burnout? Can we create lives in which we never allow ourselves to get to the end of our ropes in the first place?

In the past I thought the secret was simple enough: Just take more breaks. Manage stress better. Be present. Rest.

However you want to say it, I thought this issue could be solved with a walk around the block or a Saturday spent in bed with my favorite book/Netflix binge session.

But after mulling it over this weekend, I’ve realized it takes a lot more than that.

Preventing burnout is not about taking more breaks.

Preventing burnout requires a complete mindset shift in the way we operate as creatives, and especially as business owners. 

“Preventing burnout requires a complete mindset shift in the way we operate as creatives, and especially as business owners. ”

Instead of framing work as a sport where we’re one player in an endless sea of other players trying to grab the same prize (success, money, visibility, legacy), we have to think of work as a game with only TWO players: ourselves and our craft.

What we do is not a highly competitive sport; it’s a highly personal craft.

The ultimate goal of this personal game then should be to make sure that the actions we’re taking are aligned with who we are at the core level and that we’re practicing our craft in whatever way that feels congruent with that core self.

To me, that’s not a recipe for burning out, that’s a recipe for burning bright.

This mindset shift creates a few very important distinctions that protect us from burnout:

• It renders comparison futile. If we picture everyone playing a different game with a different set of rules, what’s the point in comparing ourselves to them? The truth is, that person you’re comparing your work to has a different definition of success, a different ideal lifestyle, different values, motivations and goals.
• It keeps us in control of our pace. Part of what often traps me in the overwhelm/hyperfocus/comparison loop is this constant urgent feeling that I need to stay ahead of the curve, that I don’t want to fall behind. But again, this thinking is predicated on the idea that I’m in a race against other people. If I recalibrate and think of life and work as a highly individual journey where I’m the only player, it’s no longer a race and there’s no longer a need to feel rushed.
• We get to rewrite the rules at any time. Whether we’re bored or uninspired or feeling like a certain path isn’t working, if we’re playing our own game then we have the power to write and re-write our own rules. Mix it up, take a hiatus, change directions whenever you want and don’t listen to what anyone else tells you about whether it’s a good or bad idea. They’re not playing your game; you are.

If I’ve learned anything about avoiding burnout, it’s that while a morning ritual or vacation days or breaks from technology can help, these things can’t solve the underlying problem.

We have to retrain ourselves and our minds to see our path as separate from those around us. 

“We have to retrain ourselves and our minds to see our path as separate from those around us. ”

But you can’t just flip the switch and start thinking this way. It requires a DAILY reminder that you are the master of your own game and you get to decide how that game gets played.

Focus on burning bright — on doing whatever feels best to you on your terms — and if you manage to stay in your own lane playing your own game, I truly believe you can avoid getting burnt out.

This week I challenge you to a week of burning bright.

Create a reminder for yourself to keep playing your own game — whether it’s a post-it on your computer or a Google Cal reminder, or today’s Abstract Affirmations print below — and pay attention to how it feels after one week. Did you feel more jazzed about your own path and your own craft? Did you come back from the edge of burnout? I truly hope so.

Wishing you a week filled with inspiration, energy and light!