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I had the amazing opportunity to speak at a TEDx event in 2015 in the bustling metropolis ofā¦ wait for itā¦ Brookings, South Dakota! š
I wonāt lie, I was super nervous about the whole thing.
Maybe itās because I have immense respect for an organization that has the kind of global reach and impact that TED/TEDx has or maybe itās because I myself have had some major ah-ha moments thanks to TEDx talks Iāve seen online, but from the moment I said yes, somewhere in the back (or, many days, in the front) of my mind, I’ve felt this sense of pressure to deliver.
For weeks Iāve thought about what I wanted my talk to be about. My first instinct was to pick a topic that really felt grand. Something earth-shattering, world-changing, MIND-BLOWING, because thatās what TED is supposed to do, right? At least that’s the impression I had.
So… I did research. I brainstormed. I read arcane articles I might never read in my daily life.Ā I waited for something to come to me that felt in some way ground-breaking. But it never came.
Instead, about three weeks ago, just after doing my obligatory freak out because I hadnāt written my speech yet, I finally realized that I was putting entirely too much pressure on myself.
What if my role isnāt to present some reality-altering perspective to people thatās going to start some global movement?Ā What if my role is to simply tell my story and share the one major thing that has impacted my life in the biggest way.
āToo often we forget how much power there is in our personal story.ā
How much power there is in sharing our “notes from the field” of our own inner quests.
And yet that’s pretty much the foundation upon which I’ve built the entire mission of my business. To share honestly in the hope that it will make others feel less alone and inspired to carve their own vibrant paths.
So thatās what I decided to do.
My talk was entitled,Ā Finding The Courage To Live Colorfully, and thatās exactly what I talked about. I shared my own transformation from being an over-achieving kid obsessed with succeeding in the traditional way that the world defines success (perfect grades, college scholarship, impressive job, enviable career) to accepting my true identity as a soulful creative interested in living my most authentic, most vibrant life.
There were moments leading up to my talk when those doubts crept back in and I had voices in my head saying,Ā This isnāt big enough. This isn’t smart enough. This isn’t TED enough.
Thankfully, though, Iāve arrived at a point in my life where I am intimately acquainted with the tired tricks of my own self-doubt, and I was ready for them. I had my Home Alone booby traps set at every window and every door.
I knew that if I was going to connect with people in a way that they would allow them to really hear my message, I was going to have to believe in it myself with all my heart. I was going to have to be the one person in the crowd who first believed whole-heartedly that this concept was more than enough. It was enough to change my life and I knew that meant that itās enough to change someone else’s. (So there, self-doubt! Take that!)
Still, as Jason and I prepared to board the plane, my stomach was in knots.Ā I didnāt want to screw up!
ps. Thank you to the folks at Samsonite for sending us some awesome luggage to finally replace my decades old carryon with a bum wheel that sounded like a train was following me through the terminals of the airport. This set up is MUCH better. š
So I just read and rehearsed my speech over and over and over again (mouthing it to myself and looking like a bit of a lunatic in the process)Ā until I felt like i knew it like the back of my hand.
As I sat on our flight from San Diego to Minneapolis and then from Minneapolis to Sioux Falls, I tried to relax with little success. So, rather than fight my nerves, I just kept my folded up speech clutched in my hands and I’d take it from the top whenever I had a moment of doubt.
This thing has been crumbled and folded and amended and butchered every way from Sunday.
I knew that as long as I wasnāt worried about totally freezing on stage and forgetting my ālinesāĀ (a legitimate fear of mine) then it would free up my nerves just enough so that I would be able to inject the feeling and sincerity that I needed into what I was saying.
We arrived at the Sioux Falls, SD airport late on Wednesday night, rented a car (a Buick LaCrosse in fact, watch out!)Ā and drove the one hour north to Brookings, checking into our hotel late. Our late arrival unfortunately meant that we missed the rehearsal that day and would have to settle for a quick mic check the next morning at 11am before the event started at 1pm.
If you guys know meā¦ I like to think I can battle my nervousness at times with preparationĀ (okay, fine, OVER-preparation), so the whole see-where-you’re-speaking-two-hours-before-you-speak thing already had my anxiety levels on high alert.
As I entered the armory building where the event was taking place and stepped foot into the dark auditorium lined with a few hundred chairs, it started to sink in a bit. There I could see the big “red dot” carpet up on the stage. I could see the spotlight shining down, front and center,Ā and the huge screen with the TEDx logo to its left.
I think this is what they call… “legit.”
This is kind of terrifying!
But then I thought of how many people Iāve seen tell their stories in settings just like this. How many people have left me feeling inspired or with a new perspective. And my attention shifted to the realization that if I can do that for just one person,Ā if for just a moment I can make them feel understood or pull them out of whatever stuck place they are in their lives, then that is way bigger than my tiny fear.
Leaving the hotel on the way to the event, pretending I’m not TOTALLY freaking out inside.
And when I finally walked up on that stage a few hours later to greet the few hundred eager faces in the audience, I reminded myself of why I agreed to this. Because I want a world where more people feel free to be their true selves. Apart from the expectations of their parents or their spouses or their families or society.
I think there might be an assumption that if you speak to a large group of people or you share your story confidently in a public place that maybe it just comes naturally to you. That it’s easy. And I want you to know that it most certainly is not. Not for me, at least.
For months before I walked under those lights I felt those inner nerves of anticipation. And there were many more than a few occasions where I said to myself,Ā I’m never doing this again.
Have you ever encountered a situation like that? Something that really challenged your fears or your comfort zone and you said to yourself,Ā NOPE, never again,Ā only to then feel a bit defeated, like you weren’t rising to meet a challenge?
Because I don’t necessarily agree that every challenge needs to be overcome. Sometimes I think things like fear and anxiety are there to subtly remind us of what our zone of genius is (a term I learned from reading the book,Ā The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. [aff link]).
Which then begs this question…
My answer to that question is this:
When you know that you want what’s on the other side of that fear MORE than you dislike the discomfort of overcoming the challenge.
For example, I do NOT think that everyone is meant to be a public speaker. For some people the anxiety of standing on a stage is far more fear-inducing than it is joyful to share their story.
For me, those nerves, those moments of doubt, this time the opportunity to help someone was well worth the temporary anguish. BUT, maybe next time it won’t be. Maybe next time I’ll have decided that the stress and nerves aren’t worth the outcome.
But that’s what we all get to decide for ourselves every time we encounter a challenge. That is the beauty of the choose your own adventure story that is our lives.
For example, for me, asking for money from design clients was ALWAYS a challenge for me. I didn’t like the way it made me feel. I didn’t like the negotiating game that inevitably ensued. I never got used to it. And eventually, I decided that what was on the other side of me finally overcoming that fear just wasn’t worth it. I changed my business model in part because of this and I’m not ashamed or guilty to say that that was a challenge I was simply not willing to undertake.
Now, what about you?
I’m so excited to share with you guys the final talk when it’s up online (though I’m sure that will bring with it a whole new set of fears and anxiety) but I just want to say thank you for all the emails and tweets and comments of encouragement leading up to the event.
Sometimes we do scary things and it really pays off. Sometimes we don’t do scary things and that really pays off too. The beauty is: we get to choose.
Weāve got a new product in the shop; my husband, Jason, launches his biggest project to dateĀ tomorrow(!!) which will include a special offer for Self-Made Society members; and in completely unrelated but still awesome news, the great Liz Gilbert releases her latest book Big MagicĀ tomorrow (which you should definitely go grab right now!)
Phew! Holy cow, fall is coming in HOT! (But, like,Ā literallyĀ hotā¦ weāve had some scorchers here in California. Iām ready for it to cool down!)
Perhaps the biggest news from the past week though is that Made Vibrant is no longer just a one-woman shop!
Last week I welcomed the ah-mazing Laura to the Made Vibrant team (what? Thereās a team now? This is crazy!). Sheāll be acting as my creative assistant to help manage the day-to-day operations of the business and continue to keep the fun products/programming we have planned running smoothly.Ā (Thank you to everyone in the community that reached out about the position! I was blown away by the caliber of responses.)
Iām planning to post a more formal introduction of Laura on the blog soon so you all can get to know her better but If you see any email responses or social media commenting from her, just know that sheās a soulful creative through and through and please welcome her with open arms!
This past week has been an amazing process for me as Iām learning how to let go of some of the tasks/projects that have been solely mine forā¦wellā¦Ā ever. Since the beginning of Made Vibrant! Itās this crazy combination of freedom and apprehension. But DEFINITELY more freedom than anything else.
In fact, after just two days of having Laura on board, I found myself wondering in my head over and over āWhy didnāt I do this SOONER?!ā
Which brings me to todayās topic at hand:Ā asking for help.
And Iām not just referring to hiring someone for your business. I mean asking for help in all the various facets in our life.
Help with raising your kids. Help with learning a new skill. Help with navigating the inevitable emotional twists and turns of our journeys.Ā
Asking for help is something Iāve struggled with in the past A LOT.
Iāve been fiercely independent since I was a kid, and Iāve always hated that feeling of being incapable or ill-equipped. Whether it was a simple school project or even a task I didnāt know how to do when I got into the working world, I would do everything in my power to avoid reaching out for help at all costs.
When it came time to start my business, I wanted to prove (to myselfĀ or to others, who knows which mattered more) that I was smart enough or savvy enough or strong enough to figure out this whole entrepreneurship thing myself. I was so careful not to ask fellow peers how they did something for fear that I would look a) like a complete NEWB and b) like I just wanted to stand on their shoulders instead of logging the hours myself.
Now I’ve realized that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Iāve found that by and large other people wantĀ to be included in your journey. They wantto help you accomplish your goals. And if you reach a personal goal by way of some talented co-conspirators, well then hey a victory party is way more fun when youāre not dancing alone!
Yes, we all want to feel strong. We all want to feel capable.
Not a single one of us has every positive attribute on the planet. We all have this careful mix of strengths and weaknesses, of virtues and flaws, and when we team up, we have the ability to become a stronger, more well-rounded force to be reckoned with.
I mean, whatās the point of being on a planet with 7 billion other people if you canāt phone a friend every once in a while?Ā
I guess my point today is this:
āDonāt let your pride get in the way of your progress.ā
Your challenge this week is to identify one area of your life that you’re struggling to navigate alone and to ask one person for help.
I can’t believe I tried to juggle all the various aspects of my business by myself for as long as I did. Not only do I feel a huge sense of relief that I now have an extra pair of hands in Laura, but surprisingly I’ve also found that I have someone to reflect my values back to me and keep me (and the business) anchored to my mission.
Thanks to all of you that have helped me in the past, with your encouragement, your ideas and your support. I hope I can continue to be a helpful force in your life as well!
Do you know the feeling Iām talking about? Uninspired. Unmotivated. UN-everything.
It happens every couple of months or so for me, but when it hits, man-oh-man am I a picnic to be around! [Sarcasm Alert]
The problem with being an (admittedly) highly emotional person is that when your emotions feel out of whack, it affects nearly every aspect of your life: Your relationships, your work, your overall energy.
Thankfully, I know myself well enough now to know when The Funk is starting to creep in, and to fight The Funk I intentionally take some extra time for myself. (ps. Someone needs to start a band called Fight The Funk. Youāre welcome.)
During that time to myself, I do my best to shut out the noise,Ā reconnect with my core, and listen to what my emotions are telling me.
So, last week, I took a few days off of social media. I stopped doing my daily lettering practice. I let my emails pile up. And instead of spending time sending all my energy outward, I did my best to focus on sending my energy inward.
Wrong. ?
By the end of the week, I wasnāt feeling more clarity or peace. Instead, I was starting to feel guilty for needingĀ so much. So much time, so much solitude, so much attention.
And, if Iām being honest, I was starting to feel a bit ashamed too. Ashamed that Iām such a sensitive person. Embarrassed that my actions, productivity and overall behavior are dictated so much by my mood and emotions. I felt sorry for my partner, Jason, and for my roommates who had to bear witness to a version of myself that most certainly did NOT feel vibrant.
“Why canāt I just snap out of it,” I would think to myself, a thought that only sent my mood further down the spiral, by the way.
But, just when I was feeling beyond frustrated by my inability to shake The Funk, I stumbled across this article titled:Ā Are you a sensitive entrepreneur? How to live more and stress less.Ā (I clicked on that link faster than you can say soulful creative!)
In the article, Racheal, an entrepreneur and yogi, talks about how sheās had to cope with anxiety in a world of family members and colleagues telling her to ātoughen upā or āget a thicker skin.ā This paragraph in particular is what finally flipped on the light bulb for me:
āThese days Iāve found a sweet spot for living with my anxiety. I actually have come to appreciate and honor this part of myself. Attempting to dull it or numb it out is NOT that answer {for me}. Iāve come to realize that Iām simply more sensitive to certain energies and must live + work in a way that allows me to be my best self without apology.
My anxiety is my personal internal monitoring system that lets me know when my life is out of balance, when Iām not living in alignment with my values + desires, or when Iām saying YES to things that arenāt in my best interest.ā
This was so important for me to read because Racheal has come to embrace her sensitivity AND the anxiety that it brings her because sheās able to see that it also brings her value. The thing that makes it hard to cope sometimes is also the same thing that keeps her true to herself.
Her words felt like the exact courage I needed just when I was getting down on myself. And it also brought me back to a perspective-changing insight that struck me years ago, one that I want to share with you:
Including all of mine. Including all of yours.
Being so incredibly sensitive to the energy around me, to my own mood, etc., YES, it can sometimes feel like a burden. It can be inconvenient.Ā It can cause tension in my relationships. (Jason, if youāre reading this, I know itās not easy to navigate my minefield of emotions but Iām grateful for the love and effort you bring to the table every day!)
BUT it is also the same personality trait that makes me compassionate, empathetic and able to appreciate depth. And those are things I take pride in.
Things we wish were different sometimes. Things we think we want to change.
But, for every trait that we consider a flaw, Iām willing to bet that same trait is responsible for an asset too. I bet it can be traced to something we hold dear about ourselves, and something that others hold dear about us too:
What makes a person sensitive can also be what makes them compassionate and deep.Ā
What makes a person competitive can also be what makes them driven and strong-willed.Ā
What makes a person indecisive can also be what makes them open-minded.Ā
Take something that might make you feel judged or weak or ashamed, and see if you canāt find a way to also see that thing as a strength.
I want you to also do that for someone else in your life. Maybe itās an annoyance you have with your partner or spouse that you can start to see from a different perspective. Maybe itās a flaw youāve seen in a friend or your mother or that coworker across the hall.
Part of walking through life gracefully is accepting ourselves fully and in turn accepting the fullness of the people we love. That doesnāt mean that flaws donāt exist; it only means we have to try and see them in a different light.
Hoping this perspective brings you more peace in your relationship with yourself and with others.
And if you too are in a funk for any reason, take it from me, feeling guilty for being who you are will only make it worse. Give yourself space and grace and permission to feel what you feel, and then remember: this too shall pass. ?
Over on Instagram, I do my best to share the tiny insights and mantras that appear on my journey as I work to become the brightest version of myself (a journey that Iām well aware will never end, by the way.)
Many of these tiny wisdoms continue to pop into my head long after I type them in this email, gently guiding me along in my daily life.
However, for every moment that one of these ātruthsā pops into my head and helps me move forward or overcome an obstacle, there is another moment when I encounter a situation and my core tells me to do something thatās completely in conflict with one of those truths.
Let me give you some examplesā¦
Iām hoping that maybe Iām not alone in this. Iām hoping that maybe you too have experienced a time or two when you felt in contradiction with yourself.
This used to bother me a ton. Wavering on some of my own advice made me feel weak and undecided. Like I lacked faith in my own principles.
More and more Iām realizing that there is often wisdom to be found on both sides of the street. The key is knowing when to cross over and explore the other side.
Thereās so much good to be had in this worldāthereās no shame in not wanting to choose sides.
People seem to like making a big stink about the word balance these days. āThereās no such thing as balance,ā they say. Striving for balance causes us to pull our hair out over a state that doesn’t exist, they argue.
And while I can certainly agree with the point that true balance – that magical moment when all aspects of our lives are in perfect harmony together – does not exist, I donāt think that fact should disqualify it from being a great thing to strive for.
Now Iām learning to think of each of my contradictions is a huge swinging pendulum. There will be times when it swings to one side and times when it draws back to the other. The benefit to be found in balance, then, is not in the pursuit of some perfect equity between those two sides;Ā the benefit is in the constant reassessment of each side. The constant evaluation of which of those truths will best serve your brightest self in whatever moment you find yourself in.
And that is how Iām able to make peace with my contradictions.
To realize that holding two contradicting beliefs at the same time doesnāt mean youāre weak or lack conviction. It means you look at life with an open mind, and that should be seen as a strength.
Our core beings and our lives are infinitely nuanced. There are no blanket statements, no universal truths, no one-size-fits-all wisdom.
Take what serves you, release what doesnāt, and allow yourself to view each new day as an evolution in itself.
I challenge you to make peace with your contradictions.
What would you do if you completely froze on stage in front of hundreds of people? I decided to do that on purpose.
I stood on the side of a stage, moments away from getting up in front of 200+ people. The woman who was speaking before me asked me: āwhat are you going to talk about?ā To which I confidently responded āI donāt know, I havenāt decided yet.ā
Let me rewind a bit and set the scene for you. A few years ago I traveled to Orlando to speak at a conference. This used to be very familiar territory for me (both the city of Orlando and speaking at conferences). But this particular talk was supposed to be a 10-minute āTED style talkā about something new and unique.
Fun aside: I’ve given two actual TEDx Talks. Here’s my most recent one for your viewing pleasure:
Earlier that week while preparing for my trip to Orlando I kept moving the āwork on 10-minute talkā calendar event around my Google Cal. I didnāt just move it once, I actually moved it four times. Upon dragging it for the fourth time I finally said to myself, screw this, Iām just going to wing it!
All I knew is that my 10-minute talk wouldnāt have anything to do with my normal speaking stuff (IWearYourShirt, BuyMyLastName, marketing, yadda yadda).
Instead I decided I want to talk about three things: Finding courage, happiness, and gratitude.
My name gets called, I hear (and see) people clapping, and I make my way to the stage. During the final steps to the stage I was still working out the details of what I was going to [try] to entertain this crowd with…
Anyone who gets up on stage in front of people, any in capacity, has a very similar fear: What if I forget my lines and itās dead silent?? (And what if that happens if I’m also not wearing pants???)
I pulled my iPhone out of my pocket, flipped open the stopwatch, and pressed the start button. All the while, over 200+ faces looked on in bewilderment.
15 seconds ticked by and felt like minutes. 20 seconds went by and I could feel my pulse racing. 25 seconds and then finally, finally, the stopwatch hit 30 seconds and I hit the stop button.
I let out a huge sigh of relief (and the audience did too). I proceeded to explain that I wanted to talk to them about three things: Courage, happiness, and gratitude. I also asked them to help me remember those three things because I had just decided to talk about them about one minute prior to that moment on stage.
I went on to explain that the reason I chose to stand in front of them for 30 seconds (of agonizing) silence, was to face a fear that every person that takes the stage fears. Instead of waiting for a moment like that to come to me, I decided to muster up some courage and embrace that moment on my own. After that 30 seconds, I felt more alive and invigorated than I had in a long time.
I asked the audience to think of small courageous acts they could do in their lives. Little things that would give them the same invigorating feeling I had just felt.
For you, the reader, where can you embrace moments of courage in your life? Especially ones that relate to fears you have? Iām willing to bet if I ever forget what Iām talking about while on stage, Iāll immediately remember those 30 seconds of silence I forced upon myself (and an unsuspecting audience) and be able to recover or snap out of it much quicker.
(Note: I wouldnāt recommend trying my 30 seconds of silence if youāre going up on stage for the first time!)
After my little 30-second stunt Iād like to say I transitioned perfectly into the topic of happiness, but truthfully I had completely forgotten what I was going to talk about next. I asked the audience and they quickly reminded by shouting out, āHappiness!ā (That in itself was kind of awesome.)
In 2015 I noticed I had a lot things going well for me, but for some reason I still felt kind of unhappy throughout my day to day life. I donāt remember exactly who I heard of it from (or where I read it), but I remember stumbling across someone talking about starting mornings off being proactive instead of reactive. Specifically, not rolling over in bed and checking all your notifications, emails, and the news. Instead, do something for yourself. I think they were talking more about it from a process and productivity angle, but I chose to see it through the lens of trying to fix my happiness problem.
I decided to give it a shot. I made the commitment that when I woke up, I wouldnāt immediately reach for my phone. Well, honestly, I would reach for my phone and make sure I didnāt have a missed call or text message from anyone in my family saying their houses were on fire. Morbid thought. I know. But hey, Iām being honest here. After allowing myself to check for morbid messages, I would leave my phone next to my bed and try to find a moment of happiness.
As a kid I was obsessed with Calvin and Hobbes. I owned every book Bill Watterson put out. I clipped the strips out of the actual paper. Heck, I filled notebooks with my own renditions of Calvin building killer snowmen. Calvin and Hobbes was deeply rooted in my soul as my happy place.
Knowing that, I pulled a few Calvin and Hobbes books out of the attic and would start flipping through them while making my coffee in the morning. There were no emails to read. No social media updates to scroll through. No chance of negativity creeping its way into the start of my day.
Back to me standing on stage telling an audience of strangers about my childhood: I shared with them how much of a profound impact this small change in my morning routine made. I could legitimately feel myself becoming happier each day. It cost me nothing and it only took 5 minutes every morning. I still do this morning ritual years later.
āWhatās your happiness moment?ā I asked the audience. Iāll ask you the same question. What in your life can give you a happy jumpstart to your day? We all deserve to live happier and more fulfilled lives, it just takes work to get there.
I knew my third topic, but I quizzed the audience anyway. They were on top of it and yelled āgratitude!ā back at me. Which, looking back on it, was also a fun thing to hear hundreds of people yell out loud.
I asked the audience to all pull out their phones, tablets, phablets, laptops, whatever device they had on them. I think I dropped a flip phone joke in there too. I gave them a few seconds to fumble through their pockets/belongings and get their device in hand. Kind of counterintuitive to what you want people to do when youāre up on stage in front of them, no?
I told them to open up whatever mail application they had on their phones. All their heads dropped and then popped back up. Then I told them to compose a new email to a family member, spouse, best friend, someone they really cared about. Down went their heads and then back up. Then I told them to put a smiley face in the subject line and write āI am grateful for youā or āI love youā or whatever sentence seemed appropriate for them to write that showed gratitude in the body of the email.
Then I told them to hit send.
At that moment I told them that 200 people had just sent notes of gratitude that could have an incredibly profound impact on someoneās life. I shared with them that I was in a pretty bad place in 2013 and I remember getting an email from a friend of mine that said simply āJason, you are awesome, donāt ever forget that.ā That email had a really strong affect on me. I knew my friends and family loved me, but itās an entirely different feeling when itās from an unexpected source at an unexpected time.
I finished my 10-minute talk by telling them that the simple message of gratitude they just sent may have an incredible impact on someone. It may, and I know this seems silly, change someoneās life. But thatās what little moments of gratitude and thanks can do.
Iād love for you to send a note of gratitude to someone right now. You donāt have to write much, just a sentence of thanks or love will do. Itāll take you five seconds, but those seconds may do more for someone than you could ever imagine.
I share the story of this talk in the hope that you will embrace small moments of courage, happiness, and gratitude.
Be courageous. Find your morning happy place. Share some gratitude.
We actually affectionately refer to this event as our Creative New Year because it always feels like a fresh start as we return to our daily lives inspired, excited and deeply changed by the experience.
MisfitCon is unlike any other event Iāve ever been to. Every detail is carefully thought of, no moment or experience too small to consider. There is always a balance between quality, hand-crafted, refined art and wildly imaginative, no-holds-barred experiences. For example, you’ll be sipping on a cocktail that was carefully created and concocted by an award-winning mixologist just for the event, while you find yourself in an about-to-be-demolished high school, custom Misfit-inspired graffiti covering every inch of the walls, watching a talented local break-dancing crew show off their moves up and down the halls. And that’s just ONE PARTY. All five days are filled with magical moments stacked end to end just like that. (For some visual reference, feel free to flip through my friend, C.C. Chapman’s Flickr photosĀ from the event.)
The speakers are what really get me though. The inspiring stories of other people –Ā most of whom I didn’t even know existed in the world –Ā that’s what I really come for year after year.Ā They tend to be the most eclectic group of change-makers Iāve ever seen grace a stage. This yearās line-up included: Breifne from Pedal the Planet who went from the brink of suicide to cycling around the entire globe (18,000 miles so far); Katrin, founder of Projects For All, who travels the world bringing accessible technology and education to those who need it; Akala, artistic director of the Hip-Hop Shakespeare Company and one of the most passionate people I’ve ever met, who educates young people about historical, racial, and political issues by combining Shakespeare’s works and hip-hop music. Musicians, web developers, investors, teachers, policy-makers, actors, authors, artists, the list goes on…
ā¦oh, and thenā¦ little old me.
I was shocked (and of course beyond delighted) when AJ and Melissa reached out to me, asking if Iād be willing to share my story with the crowd at MisfitCon.
It’s no exaggeration to say that attending the event in 2013 changed my life in a profound way. Quite simply, there would be no Made Vibrant without MisfitCon, and I wanted to share the story of my journey to becoming an artist with people that I knew could benefit from hearing it.
But, as I sat in the audience, waiting for my turn to stand before the crowd, my heart began to race.Ā
I watched speaker after speaker blow the audience away with their commitment to impacting the world and tales from their personal stories of tragedy and triumph. They all seemed so strong. So powerful. So clear in their mission and purpose.
And, like any human, despite my best efforts to stay present, I began to wonder how I might stack up. I could already see my hands trembling, my voice losing its resolve.Hold it together, Caroline,Ā I said to myself.Ā Just get up there and tell them your story.Ā
I got so nervous and insecure about my place in all of that magic. I felt weaker, less prepared, more out of place with every speaker that went before me.
Thatās when last weekās email newsletterĀ shot into my head.Ā Draw strength from your core, I said to myself. Your true self is where you get your power, not your weakness. If you stand up there and own your truth, thereās no fear to be had in that.
As AJ called me up to the stage, my knees nearly buckled.
I could feel the emotion within me rising to the surface of my somewhat composed exterior. Here I was, standing on the very stage that had changed my life two years prior, talking to the very people that had changed my life two years prior. Of course the significance of that was overwhelming. In that moment all I could think to do was acknowledge the feelings that were no doubt going to show themselves any second anyway. To bridle my fear, I simply told the truth:
“Fair warning: I’m a highly emotional person, so if I start spontaneously crying throughout this talk, nobody panic,”Ā I said.Ā “We’re going to get through this together.”
The crowd chuckled as the tears already began to well into my eyes, but I wasn’t fearful of what that might mean anymore. I was there to tell the truth, whatever uncomfortable emotions might accompany that truth.
See, I’ve come to understand something about my true core being. My heart is like a magnet for deep,Ā stirring energy.Ā It’s like an exposed nerve, sensitive to every emotional impulse that comes my way. As a result, when something moves me, I feel it in every fiber of my body and that emotion has to go somewhere. There’s no use in trying to stop it anymore.
I donāt remember that much about what I said, but I do remember looking out into the audience and seeing the faces of those that were clearly being affected by what I was saying. There were nods of validation and tears of resonance.
In the neurotic inner battle that led up to my talk, I told myself my emotional nature would hold me back from communicating effectively. I convinced myself that if I didnāt appear stoic or confident, that my message might be lost in the shuffle of the rest of the speakers.
What I found instead was the complete opposite.
Throughout the course of the four days after my talk, person after person would tap me on the shoulder or stop me at a party and simply say āThank you.”Ā (To my complete disbelief, some of those people being the exact speakers I was comparing myself to earlier.)
They understood my message because they could feelĀ my message.
It wasnāt until then that it occurred to me that showing that kind of emotion (weāre talking streamingĀ tears here, people) on a public stage is rarely seen.
That exposed nerve part of me – the part I was convinced would be my greatest weakness on stage – actually turned out to be my greatest strength.
The point is this:
We all have our insecurities. The things that we fear will make us feel different or rejected.Ā
But in many ways, to be different in this world doesnāt have to be a liability; it can actually be an asset. To stand out is to be unmistakable. To be memorable. To be yourself.
And being memorable is the first step to creating connection and impact,Ā especially if you stand out for being unapologetically authentic.
I had no choice but to share my emotions with that crowd because that emotional sensitivity is what makes me who I am. Iām realizing more and more that to feel and to share is part of why Iām here on this earth.
āConsider the fact that what you count as a flaw might actually be your greatest gift.ā
In what ways can you leverage a perceived weakness and turn it into a strength?
Iām sad most of you guys wonāt be able to experience the life-changing five days that I just had, but I encourage you to seek out those transformational experiences in your own life.
You never know where they will take you.
Today is the day you admit you’re in consumption mode. Today is the day you flip the switch to creation mode. Today is the day you draw a line in the sand and say, āIām done consuming!ā
Reading another inspiring article (the irony is not lost on me here). Scrolling through countless social media feeds. Watching too much Netflix (ugh, yes there is such a thing). These distractions give us small dopamine responses, which is why we get addicted to them.
But you know what will give you an even better dopamine response? Getting out of consumption mode and creating stuff that brings value to you and other people.
We have all been stuck in consumption mode. All of us. And honestly, itās a mode in life that comes and goes every single day. Itās not something youāre going to turn off forever (unless you move to an island that doesnāt have Internet).
I know I catch myself wondering into consumption mode when I’m trying to:
I avoid doing those types of tasks because they don’t bring me immediate gratification. As human beings we are wired for immediate gratification. Shiny object – wee! New opportunity – ahh! Fun new thing to explore – yes! But you have to learn to turn off the distractions.
I donāt have a fancy one-size-fits-all formula for flipping the switch on consumption mode to āOFF.ā What I do have is a ton of experience getting a lot of things done. Like, way more than most people. Iām not saying that to be cocky, Iām saying that because Iām proud that Iāve learned how to flip the creation mode switch to āON.ā
This one thing is so unbelievably helpful when you want to switch from consumption mode to creation mode. Our email inboxes are like the needy girl/husband who wonāt EVER leave you alone. Always pestering you with their problems and then randomly surprising and delighting you with something amazing.
While reading this article I bet you got an email. Whether it notified you on your phone, popped up on your desktop, or showed a new notification in Gmail.
Shut your inbox up for a few hours at a time. Close it down. Life will go on and your email will be waiting for you. This comic by Oatmeal is spot-on:
(Ugh, I know telling you to read comics is a big distraction. So… read one or two and then get out!)
I wrote this article from the bar-top in my kitchen. I wasn’t sitting at my desk. I wasn’t sitting on my couch. I happened to notice a ton of natural light on this day and I gravitated toward it. I felt motivated and let that motivation carry me into creation mode.
Whenever I’m writing, I have Spotify on in the background. I almost always write to one of three artists: Pretty Lights, Helios, or the Tron:Legacy Soundtrack. Itās music that isnāt distracting and doesnāt make me want to sing or dance. I love singing and dancing, but not when I’m trying to get in my creation zone (unless my creation zone is interpretive dance…). Maybe you need singing/dancing music for whatever youāre creating? Thatās totally fine.
Another note about writing: I close every app and write in Bear Writer. Itās a beautifully simple writing app. I canāt format a single thing or get distracted with tools and widgets. I can only write. I love it.
Whether itās where you work, what you listen to while you work, the tools that you use to create, find your optimal creation zone. Go to that place when you need to create.
If you thought your email inbox was needy, your phone and all itās blinking notifications take needy-ness to another level.
I get it. Some people simply cannot turn off notifications for Facebook, Twitter, Email, etc. Thatās fine. Youāre controlled by your phone. The least you can do is put your phone out of sight and earshot while creating. Donāt worry, all those precious notifications will be there for you when you go back to it.
Iāve removed all the social apps from my phone and turned off all notifications. I donāt feel like I miss out on anything. I control my usage of these platforms, I donāt let them control me!
I shouldnāt have to mention closing the social media website tabs. Thatās a given. But I firmly believe if you want to be in creation mode you canāt have a bunch of consumption opportunities staring you in the face. Try just minimizing your web browser. Try it. Hide the tabs from your eyeballs.
If youāre a hotshot, close your browser and all its tabs! Holy crap, thatās scary right? Donāt worry, those are just things on the Internet that will be available for you to find again.
I cannot stress enough the power and importance of breaks from social media. Back in 2014 I did my first 30-day social media detox and wrote a daily journal about it (the journal was written offline and then published when the detox was finished). I’d highly recommend reading about taking your own break from social media.
Nowadays I take two months off of social media each year (July and December). I come back fully recharged and ready to dive into creation mode. Not to mention all the extra creation time I gain during those months not using social media to create stuff!
Do those things. Itās five things. If you canāt try all five, then thereās no hope for you. Iām not saying that to be dramaticāwell, yes I am. If you canāt get out of your own way, youāll never get out of consumption mode.
So many opportunities will show up for you in life if youāre creating stuff. Almost zero opportunities show up if youāre just consuming everyone elseās stuff.
James Clear put it perfectly:
āOur lives were meant to be spent making our contribution to the world, not merely consuming the world that others create.ā
You just finished consuming an article. Iām acutely aware of the irony. But now that youāve read this, stop consuming any other content for a while. Find your creation zone. Go to it. Stay there for a while. Create something. Even if it sucks and it never sees the light of day.
Keep creating and allowing more time for creation than consumption.
I want you to take a quick second before reading this article, and I want you to think about one thingĀ youāve been meaning to commit to for a while now, but havenāt been able to go all in on.
Think of one thing you come back to every now and then and think, “Man, I realllly want to finally _________Ā (open an Etsy shop, get back in shape, teach myself Illustrator, learn how to play backgammon, etc.)
Do me a favor and write that thing down on a scrap of paper or a post-it or somewhere on your computer/phone right now.
Some of you might have written down things like:
āI havenāt made time.ā
āIām scared.ā
āI donāt know how.āĀ
āIām overwhelmed by the idea.ā
āIām scared of what people with think.ā
Iāve addressed a lot of these mental barriers in other articlesāmaking the time, overcoming fear, tackling overwhelm āand I think those insights are certainly valuable. But in this article, I want to focus on something else:Ā the DOING of the thing. The commitment. The follow-through.
Once we get over some of the mental barriers that are holding us back,Ā how do we actually commit to the doing?
What makes one person stick to losing weight while the other person gives up after a week? What makes someone able to commit to a 30-day lettering challenge while someone else canāt stick with it? What makes a person able to stick to a weekly newsletter schedule while someone else struggles?
What I keep coming back to is this idea of accountability. And so my big question for this week has become:
Here’s how I see it:
Change takes time, time takes consistency. Consistency takes disciplineĀ and discipline requires accountability.
Since I went freelance/independent full-time in the fall of 2013, the one thing that has taken a backseat to everything else is my health and fitness.
When youāre trying to build a profitable business, it feels like every moment is an opportunity for forward progress, and it feels like time at the gym is time away from that progress. (The irony, of course, being that investing time in yourself and your health is actually an investment in a more sustainable, successful business in the long-term. BUT it sure is hard to see thatāespecially if you have a strong aversion to the gym like me.)
But, after gaining 15 pounds and running dangerously low on pants that don’t cut off my circulation at the waist,Ā one week I finally sat down with Jason,Ā committing to change our diet for 30 days and to regularly exercise, seeing if we could create some better habits for our life together.
We built a meal plan that felt healthy-yet-doable and decided to exercise (likeā¦ more-than-a-brisk-walk exerciseāgotta break a sweat!) six days a week (yay for Sundays off!) Honestly, it felt like a lot in the beginning, and there was a part of me that felt pretty scared we wouldn’t follow through.
BUT, that’s where accountability comes into play.Ā
I think we all have ways we can keep ourselves accountable based on the way weāre wired. Some people may be more motivated by the idea of rewards;Ā some may be motivated simply by the idea of not letting someone else down.
Iām no expert on any of this, but here are a few different accountability strategies that came to me. I encourage you to ask yourself which one youāre most driven/motivated by as you read through:
I feel like this accountability piece is why so many of us make promises and wishes to change, but we don’t actually follow through with it.
āOur level of commitment to ourselves is of no consequence without accountability.ā
Jason and I did end up sticking to our health challenge and were able to develop a steady and consistent routine of working out. That doesn’t mean I still don’t have moments of weakness when I fall off the wagon, but knowing how powerful accountability is for me has helped me stick to the habit changes I want to make in my life.
I hope this article helps you think of accountability as a tool you can use to make changes in your own life too!
I’ve never heard of a highly creative person being too busy. Let me rephrase that: Iāve never heard of a highly creative or successful person that I respect being too busy.
The most creative people of our time are doing more things in a day than most people do in a week (or even month). But you know what you rarely hear a highly creative or successful person say? āIām too busy.ā
Think about the people who you hear say āIām too busy.ā More often than not, those people arenāt actually too busy. Theyāre just filling their days to hide insecurities.
I recently listened to an excerpt of an audio book by Tim Kreider, that was featured by Tim Ferriss. Mr. Kreiderās thoughts on being busy resonated with me. If I was ātoo busyā to listen to that excerpt, this article wouldnāt exist and I wouldnāt have become a slightly better version of myself with something to share.
The digital age we live in should provide us with more time than we could ever imagine. Twenty years ago when you wanted to look up a fact, you had to:
Nowadays, you just hold down a button on your phone and ask a nonexistent human your question. Or you Google it. Either way, we should have an immense amount of extra time for any action we take these days. We should never actually be ātoo busy.ā
However, it seems just the opposite.
This makes it nearly impossible to find creativity and inspiration.
Iād like for you to answer the following question honestly. If youāve ever said the words, āIām busyā or āIām too busy,ā was it due to tasks you actually enjoyed doing?
For myself, the answer is no. Thatās 100% real truth. The only time I ever actually feel too busy is when Iām doing a bunch of mundane stuff I donāt want to be doing. But Iām a realist, and I havenāt manufactured a life without mundane stuff (yet).
Work worth doing isnāt busy work.
We live in such an amazingly exciting time. The possibilities created by the Internetāby the vast amounts of communication, by the access to informationāshould not keep us tethered to a life full of feeling busy.
Do yourself a favor and the next time you feel too busy, just take a break.
Take a few minutes to reassess your current situation. If you arenāt willing to actually change it and make your life a little bit better through some hard work and tough choices, then at least stop complaining about it to other people. Be honest with yourself and make changes.
If someone asks you the question, āhow are you doing?ā donāt answer by saying āIām busy.ā Instead, tell them the truth:
āHonestly, my job isnāt great and I feel like Iām doing a lot of work that doesnāt really matter to me. My day is full of tasks that arenāt fulfilling and Iām scared Iām going to be stuck here until Iāve saved enough money that I can retire and maybe fully enjoy my life.ā
Because that is the truth. I know, because I was there. I worked a few 9-to-5 jobs I didnāt enjoy. I owned a company that made me feel busy all the time. I was stuck in the mindset that if I wasnāt working, then I was missing out on opportunities. Funny enough, by removing mundane tasks and projects from my life, Iāve actually created more opportunities that donāt make me feel busy.
Instead, Iāll tell you that Iām excited for the possibilities ahead. Iām excited to see where my life takes me because of the bold choices Iām making. Iām in as much charge of my life as I feel anyone can be. Itās scary about 33% of the time. The rest of the time Iām genuinely enthusiastic about it.
Iām not a self-made billionaire (or even millionaire). I havenāt built a startup and sold it for a ridiculous amount of money. Iām not a best-selling author with a potential movie deal.
Iām an entrepreneur who isnāt willing to live someone elseās life. I measure my success by the things that make me happy, not by things that are glorified by our society.
Stop being too busy. Start being honest with yourself. Make changes in your life. It will be scary, but it will be worth it.
In March 2015 I made a huge change in my life. Itās arguably one of the biggest and most scariest changes Iāve ever made: My wife, Caroline, and I packed up our comfortable lives and moved 2,337 miles across the country from Jacksonville, FL to San Diego, CA.
We knew almost no one. We had no long-term plan. We simply wanted more adventure in our lives.
Before we talk about that, letās take a quick trip back in time to when my wife and I first started dating a few years ago (and no, Iām not going to bore you with all our early romanticals).
We had some long talks (we call them D&Ms; Deep and Meaningfuls), as most do in new relationships, and one of the topics that came up was where each of us wanted to live. Caroline wasnāt quite sure, but having lived in Jacksonville the majority of her life she had thoughts of living elsewhere. I had lived in Arizona, California, Virginia, New Jersey, and finally ended up in Florida. My answer at the time was fairly definitive: I wanted to stay in Florida. Near the beach, the warm weather, and free of state income tax. (Weeee, adult decisions!)
Fast forward a few years later, and Caroline and I took a 3-week cross-country road trip. We set out from our then-home in Jacksonville and planned to drive across the country on I-10, going as far west as Palm Springs, CA. Once we hit California, weād make our trek back across the country on I-40. Our goal was to see a huge part of this beautiful country we live in that weād never seen before.
(One of my favorite things to do on road trips: #JasonDoesJumps)
During that cross-country trip we engaged in some new D&Ms, as you do when youāre trapped in the car together in northern New Mexico with zero cell phone service. It was during those conversations that we brought up the topic of potentially moving out of Florida. While we both loved Jacksonville, and could always see it as our hometown, we wondered if we should move away for awhile and try to experience another city or two.
Those road trip discussions and a meal at a conference with friends (and a few too many margaritas, or wine, I canāt really remember) brought us to the decision to announce at the end of 2014 that we would be moving to San Diego. Not only moving to San Diego, but also deciding to live with another couple.
The decision to moveājust like the decision to start a business or launch a new productāis only a small part of the battle. Itās an idea at first, and we all know that ideas are useless without execution.
The first thing we did was answer the question, āWhy?ā Why should we move? Why not just stay in our comfortable lives? Why completely uproot ourselves and do something most people only dream of? The answer: Adventure.
We all need more adventure in our lives. That doesnāt mean we have to bungee jump off a cliff or swim with sharks. Adventure, much like the definition of success, is what matters to you.
We hadnāt saved up a nest egg of money. Our businesses didn’t even make reliable consistent income. We didnāt even really know anyone in San Diego. Oh, and we lived in a house in Jacksonville that we would have to sell.
But none of those things held us back.
Were they obstacles that took effort to overcome? Yep. But we werenāt going to let them stop us from taking a chance on doing something amazing that weād never forget. And what is life for, if you arenāt taking unforgettable risks?
Similar to starting a new business, writing a book, or launching a product, you canāt put a big task on a to-do list and hope to make it happen. You have to break bigger tasks into smaller chunks. If you put āwrite a bookā on a piece of paper, youāll never get the book written (trust me, I know from experience). But you can write a long itemized to-do list of actionable tasks. Then, you can chip away and eventually take down a behemoth of a task.
I completely understand that we are in a unique situation to be able to seek out bold adventure. We both work for ourselves. We both own our own companies, and consequently our days. We donāt have kids. But everyone has their own circumstances and their own potential excuses. We intentionally built our lives to be a certain way, our lives weren’t handed to us on a platter.
The idea of a ācomfort zoneā is a dangerous place. Itās devoid of opportunities to grow and experience new things. Itās kind of like the slowest moving quicksand of all time. The longer you stay in your comfort zone, the more impossible it will feel to get out of it. As soon as you start to feel comfortable, when you start to get stuck in the quicksand, itās time to change something.
As Caroline so eloquently put it:
Big change happens when you decide that you want the dream more than you fear the reality.
I love when people ask why we movedĀ to San Diego. My answer: Adventure.
Almost always when I give that answer the person asking the question cracks a smile. I hope it inspires them to seek out a little adventure of their own. Just as I hope this article might inspire you to seek adventure for yourself.
